Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010
As we all know how world cup have been hogging on the news headlines everyday, we fail to read the news that are really in the need to see. Something like economical crisis or natural disasters.
Ok, I am talking crap but this is what I've been thinking. I was so bored with the stale old news which revolve around soccer, soccer and soccer.
My tooth had been a nuisance since forever and I am going to see a dentist. There goes my history of having perfect teeth.
Today's blog is crap. I have been doing absolutely nothing and looking for jobs.
Not much luck with job finding and with my notorious records.. Sigh.
I wish for something more...
Friday, June 25, 2010
Is it me?
It seems like I am more interested in probing into other people's life than myself. I am always spending my time reading the news, playing with my dog and watching youtube than to upload a post on my blog.
I am getting closer and closer to my goal!
Baby is getting bigger and bigger. It is like she is almost up to my waist now.
Xiaxue is funny. I adore her. Wahahaha. Ya, that is what I have been reading these few days to keep myself occupied while I look for a job.
=( still no luck in job finding.... Guess I really need to try harder.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I have not shit for 6 days.
Think my body is now full of shit. =)
It means I am smart for there is a Chinese saying that says stupid people have more shit and urine.
I have none. Practically sleeping my days away.
I think I will be a very energetic ghost when I die as I had slept too much during my living days.
Blah blah blah.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Time to get my lazy ass working today. Did a filming with www.omy.sg and did a pretty good job with the soccer training with the hot hot hot French guys. When I say hot, I mean real hotties.
I am drooling at them while watching them train. Sound like a sicko, you bet.
Meanwhile, looking through my camera, I realized there is loads of unloaded pictures (actually got a lot but have me with my pulsating zit so I DELETED MOST OF THEM). There you go.
Baby and her new friend. I have no idea why Baby goes around sniffing other dogs or human or whatever mammal's butt. Seems like she have a fetish for it. Butt holes..... Eeeeew.
Anyway, I am so not dead. Just super tired with my overloading work and all.
I miss you.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Besties - no more
I really don't know if I should message her or not. I mean, she would get so pissed if I do that. She don't even want to see or hear about me anymore.
Trying to put a smile though. I don't want anyone to worry. I do care about her and reads up on her facebook, which is enough to keep me updated. We hadn't really talked for a very long while and... I guess she have better options out there. I mean, she totally deserves someone nicer!
I cannot help but feel a pang of jealousy over her friends. I want to be the one that she tells her secrets to. I want to be the one whom she turns to when she is in face of trouble. Somehow, things don't work out that way.
I used to make up troubles so that I can find an excuse to talk to her. That makes her think that I only find her only when I am troubled. But reality is that I really just want her to open up to me and talk to me. About stuff that you don't want people to know.
I guess I am a really bad friend to start of with. How come she rather confide in others than me? I know better than to blame anyone. Just really upset that someone who left footprints beside me is going to be an empty space.
I am really confused about my feelings. Should I be happy as she is happy or should I get jealous for she is happy?
Someone kill me. Been rolling about in bed since the last message (I secretly hoped that she'll reply but she didn't) and have been thinking so much. Things are up to such a turn that they can never be solved.
It is always denial on my part.
I know she doesn't read blogs so it is really little chance of her seeing this.
I don't want her reading this as well. It would probably make her have sleepless nights.
Damn, am frustrated on how I should deal with this. Where have the level-headed me gone to?
Got. To. Get. My. Feet. Back. On. The. Ground.
Friday, June 18, 2010
I don't usually have a lot of friends. And I broke another string of friendship again.
The whole day, I was reflecting on myself and I had never been there for her. I don't see her needs. I thought people would choose who to confide in, so I never asked about her private life.
Silence and naivety is the factor that held us together. **Fuck! Cannot get my head straight! Tears flowing fast and free!** I mean, I reminisce about our past. School socks. Staying back late. I am very guilty and sorry about it already. Don't make me feel even worse. But V, you know we are always "friends forever" even though they never come true...
I kept her photo in my wallet wherever I go. She don't know it. But I did it. I know it is really creepy and it even freaks Date out but I don't care.
If I could, I would re wind the clock.....
Anyway, cut to the chase. I said I would fuck out of her life completely so she would not be annoyed by my presence....
A friendship, held in front of me, and yet I failed to cherish.
She got pissed because I failed to turn up for dinner. A planned dinner.
Video blogging seems like really fun and cool, if your computer uploads the video fast enough, that is.
I tried to video blog (or vlog for short) and I realize I have no idea how to edit a video.
I don't (or cannot be bothered) to edit my pictures, much less say videos. I would probably get crossed eyes by staring at the screen too much. This whole month is really quiet for me. All I do is stay at home, read through newspaper, look for jobs, get rejected and shot myself in the head every night before I hit the sack.
Too much free time on hand. I need more stuff to occupy myself with.
Am looking at Baby sleeping on the mattress on the floor. She is snoring... How much I adore her and envy her. Adore her even when she chews my mushroom bedroom slippers into shredded pieces of cotton. It is not mine. I mean, if it was mine, I would throw it away and pretend that she lost her toy. BUT IT FREAKING HELL WAS NOT MINE! It belongs to my sister and she got it from Taiwan. Fucking dog! I had to pretend, cross my fingers and pray to god that she wouldn't notice it missing.
I dispose of every single piece of evidence, mop up and vacuumed the floor, throw the stupid green mushroom head away and hide myself in the room for the whole week. Never mention anything to her about green mushroom bedroom slippers.
Shit. She is probably reading this.
Envious of the little husky lying at the base of my feet now. She can really sleep a lot. I bet all she does is shit, eat and sleep. With a lot of chewing (and leaving me to deal with the mess later), biting, running around and acting like a hyena (?). What a good life it has..
Speaking of which, I am acting like a little (BIG) stalker. This guy named Shane Dawson (go look at his youtube videos) is so so cute! I looked through all his single videos, facebook, twitter, myspace and etc. I think I am beginning to act like a stalker. Well, I think I AM A STALKER.
The last time I acted so crazy over someone was when Eminem was divorcing Kimberly. I fantasized about me leaving everything in Singapore and joining him in America. And we leave everything behind and elope. With his daughter, god daughter and half brother. Ya, very crazy thought. I would probably be shot by his bodyguards before I even get my ass near him.
It has been really long since I've taken any pictures (and I bet my camera is collecting dust in the corner). Shall attempt to do some photo taking with Baby tomorrow for I am planning to take her to the pet restaurant at this place... I forgot where. =P
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Lazy with updates
Reason why I am so late with updates is that I am often up watching soccer (a game I do not really know how to appreciate).
However, am doing some commenting on the www.omy.sg so I have to watch it and give some smart comments. I know I probably sound really bimbo but I tried.
What have been going on in my life? A lot. A lot of sleep - that is.
It seems to me that I am constantly not getting enough rest and my clock is screwed up.
I sleep till 7pm and sleeps at 9pm. Nearly everyday.
Shit! I got to get out of this vicious cycle. My life seems so wasted.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I am like an open book
I know I am super mountain turtle and super naive. If it is 4 years ago, I would look really adorable. With both IQ and EQ of a newt. Guys would be rushing to me, hovering me like a little princess, guiding me on my paths and teaching me on who to trust and believe.
As I grow older, I realize that naivety is irritating. Stupidity and ignorance is NOT a bliss.
I learnt that when I meet girls who appear to be so lost, with big huge eyes and innocent.
NOT CUTE, I tell you.
I find it super irritating. Why can't they fend for themselves? Why try to act innocent and get men to pity them?!?!?!?! Grow up!
Oh, pure irritating. And Date is also one man who think that innocent girls are vulnerable. Ok la. I am, too, guilty of that. They look really cute when they are lost. But hey! That is so besides the point.
Was running downstairs my house with Baby when Baby attacked a very pretty (without make up some more!!! So frustrating to see a prettier girl than you) lady. Office lady. Not very young, about 25? or so.
She shrieked a super fucking high pitched scream, while pointing at my innocent dog (who is just trying to be friendly and lick her), while exclaiming to the boyfriend (VERY UGLY LOOKING) that my Baby was MOLESTING HER!!!!
Wa lao! Pretty, so what. Think people want to molest you meh....
Seeing that her boyfriend actually loves Huskies, she bent down and stroke my dog and changing her statement to, "Oooohhh, so cute". Stupid hypocrite trying to "act afraid of dogs" and acting "vulnerable". Bitch.
Chee bye. Act innocent.
Worse, after running, I came home to find THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD ATTACHED TO THE TELEVISION. ALL GLUED TO THE STUPID PLASMA TELEVISION SCREEN. I TRIED TO GET ATTENTION BY TALKING TO THEM AND WAS SHUNNED BACK INTO MY ROOM!!!!! WHAT THE..... URGH!
Today cannot be any worse.
Really, I hate soccer for stealing away my lime light!
Justin Bieber is so so cute. And I though he sounded like a girl. I always loved "girlish" men (well, he is still a boy..) and sadly, he is the same age as my younger sister. Sigh.... There goes my fantasy of making him mine.
Hahaha. Joking, ok. I am very faithful in love. Just occasional fantasies.......
Friday, June 11, 2010
Sing the song of the dusk
and make sure you kill the pigeons.
No reason. I just disliked pigeons though they are really delicious. I like the Hong Kong styled ones.
Die la. I think age is catching up on me. Even though I am only 20 years old. Got drunk and I stayed in bed for the next three days. I know I am suppose to stay off booze but I cannot help it. Such huge craving for one. And one led to the next cup and the next glass and soon the whole bottle of red wine is finished in a dinner.
Yes, I gulped the whole bottle down in less than half an hour.
Booze got such effect on me. One led to the next and soon, I knocked out. Can never control how much I drink and I am often "on the rock" and "bottoms up" (ya, I am a freaking "cannot lose out" drinker). Luckily Date was with me or I MAY BE RAPED BY SOME STRANGER (ya la, I know you want to say "serve you right for drinking so much")
Cannot drink for the next two weeks. Drinking is mean for the rich.
Lao Niang is very poor one. And Date is very upset (maybe "upset" is too nice a word. Let's say that if he bears to kill me - he would) with me. So am confined at home for the next two weeks. House got a lot of wine. =) He doesn't know that but I guess what he don't know would not hurt him. =P
He now knows because he reads my blog. Well, he said "no more drinking OUTSIDE". He didn't mean no drinking at HOME. So, I shall act blur.
What a sweet surprise. Was blogging half way when Baby curled up on my lap and snooze by me.
Date is here. Update another time.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Guess I had a fun day. =P
Watching hentai. Wahahahahahahaha.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Have you had re-occurring dreams every night? I have. Episode dreams. -.-"
Funny right. I know. It is like watching a movie or a horror drama series. The dream continues!! Na bey. I haven't been sleeping well for very long already.
I remember a serial killer (and it is an eyeball-less ghost) murdering everyone. The past two nights were this guy and girl and yesterday was a child and today was the mother. Kanina! I think Lao Niang going crazy already.
Got creeps up my arms now. I CAN REMEMBER HOW THE GHOST TWISTS THEIR NECKS OFF!!!!
No blood and it was really neat.
If I were to keep a nightmare diary, I think I could make a lot of good movies already.
Gruesome to the maximum and bound to make you sleep with the lights on.
Being very eco-friendly, I tried to set my air conditioner at 25 degree Celsius, try not to use heater when showering, set the lights at the minimum energy, yada yada yada, I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH MY LIGHTS ON BECAUSE I AM FREAKING AFRAID OF GHOSTS!
Don't ask me why but then I am just very jumpy when it comes to supernatural stuff. Don't be funny and try to scare me okay. I will hate you forever. And that include balloons.
Anyway, some people slaps themselves in the face. Makes me laugh la. -Am talking to myself and it is totally random-
Me and Date. Madly, truly, deeply in love, thank you very much for your concern.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
What is the freaking difference in the word "presume" and "assume"? Other than the fact that one starts with the letter "p" and other is "a".
Even the dictionary could not differentiate that.
Mom and Dad are back from Korea. And with them are loads of kim chi-s and nagging. Nagging for not taking care of the house properly.
Ha ha. This proves that the Low family women cannot be good housewives. Maybe except for my elder sister for she does her own laundry. For me, I just send to the dry cleaners or make my boyfriend do it for me.
At least I can cook. Not very well but I can make a decent egg, which my elder sister failed to do. Her eggs always end up scrambled.
I risk getting myself slaughtered as my family reads my blog. Ho ho ho. Tightly knitted, you bet!
I feel like drinking. Shall pour myself a glass of wine.
I cannot do anything for the next.. 6 FREAKING DAYS!!!!
Sigh. I can die now.
Have some really random pictures. I am ugly now with all the hormones and stuff. No la, just my period is here and the pimple outbreaks are horrendous.
Just with Liquid foundation and shimmer.
My Ah Gua hand.
Not bad - my nail painting job.
Can tell I am really a gorilla.
Date's drawing of me.
Love this classic picture.
Baby and her skinny tail.
Big head small body.
Lol. I am super bo liao nowadays. Nothing better to do, backside itchy anyhow snap pictures and draw draw. Lol.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I was having this really heated argument with Date on monetary problems.
No, we are not going to open a joint account. Yes, we are broke.
But come to think of it, I guess many people are. But being me, I always question, "WHY?"
Why am I poor when others are so successful? One doctor once told me that I have the brawns, the knowledge, the passion and the drive to be either a very good nurse or a doctor. But why am I not striving for my passion?
Should I go back and take my GCE "A" Levels now? Is it too late?
I love to help people. I got so much knowledge and hands on experience. Why didn't I study well? Why choose to go private and take the easy way out?
Anyway, more to my mind....
Why is gold the ultimate value for riches and wealth? Why not those precious gems? They are as hard to purify as well. Why gold? What can gold do - other than jeweleries, statues and all sort of rubbish. You can't eat gold. And you don't build houses on gold, unlike cement, bricks or sand. So why choose gold as the meter of wealth? Seriously, I cannot understand. Wish some one would enlighten me.
You can't eat gold when there is war. You can't use gold to buy life. Why do people still wants gold so much?
Silver is more practical. Or even steel. But is it because they are ample which is why they aren't valuable?
I really don't know why people invests in gold. When the world comes to the barter system, gold is going to be at the most bottom of the list.
I have an idea of opening up my own shop. A school. With my medical knowledge, I believe I can handle all situations, come-what-may. Parents would trust their child with me. And I am going to have to work on a lot of aspects.. Will not tell you guys what is it yet. Wait till I have 150 thousand then say...
At least, that's what I have calculated so far. Sigh~
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
It is a success! Am dead on bed now and got to recuperate for 10 days. No booze. No seafood. Plain porridge! How to survive!!!!
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay