Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
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Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A bad week to start.
Last week was bad. This week was worse.
Nothing like Eminem's song to get me into my emotional mood. Hate emotions. Useless fuck in life. I can go further using logical mind than that emotional piece of red pulsating meat.
"Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
I'll never stop at giving an arm to anyone around me. I'd give my life if they need. I tried to be there for everyone. I did my best. Somehow, being contented is never a human's nature. All I want is recognition, a pat on the back and a word "Thank you". Is that too much to ask for? Well, not only that I did not get any smiles, I was blamed the whole world onto. Fuck it. If they could blame tsunami, I bet they would.
Good guys die young, they say. Ya. I agree too! Business was never my forte. Not even in school. I never excel in being heartless. But sometimes I wish I am. Cold as steel, icy like metal.
Well, this fucking piece of shit is to you. If you don't believe in hope and sincerity in human, FINE! Don't fucking compare me to those cunning business people out there or other girls who broke your heart (which I think it's vice versa).
All these muthafucking shit just piss me off. Another idiot to deal with now. Fuck! HOW MANY STUPID PEOPLE MUST INHABIT THIS EARTH?!?!
I hate to be treated like an idiot. I waited for you. 5 FUCKING HOURS. I COULD HAVE DONE SO MUCH IN THESE TIME. Don't say you are free when you aren't. Why even bother anyway?!
Fucking lies, empty promises, lip services, sky high demands, killing thoughts, murder, blood, blood, blood.
Somebody, take a gun and shoot me! I don't deserve all these shit that I am handling! I don't deserve it at all. Asked me for help and I did. No questions asked. No payment involved. My time, my sleep and my effort! Fuck you to just shoot your fucking mouth off at me. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS FUCKINGLY OWING ME A FAVOR, AND YOU BETTER REMEMBER IT.
Been an idiot for 2 weeks and still counting. Fuck life, I could have been so much better.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Another sleepless night
Kept tossing and turning in bed. I just cannot help but to think why am I even alive.
I thought I had it all figured out, I did. I thought I was tough enough to stick it out with life. But seems like I am not strong enough to juggle two things at once. I find myself in a spiderweb of endless problems. I would have gotten my stuff and just leave for no one is going to be there when I fell to catch me.
God kept your life for a reason. My ass. What stupid tests does he wants us to go through? Test our what?! So I happily sat in front of the computer and read. Read about why we are here. And I read Mentor Minister Lee Kuan Yew's biography. I nearly slept on the spot. But I have to say, it is pretty amazing how he developed Singapore to what it is today. Wow. And Singapore is even younger than most uncles. Amazing.
Anyway, I was pondering to myself. Why am I not born blind? So I need not see the ugliness of this world. Why aren't I deaf? So I need not hear the nasty comments or quarrels that leaves you tearing your head off. Why am I blessed with the looks? Sometimes I wished I am normal so that people could see the inner beauty that lies beneath the face. But I know how beauty can be used to an advantage of a lady. Which is why I STILL bothered to doll up.
I bury myself in cyber world because I don't want to look. I swallowed all the fuck I could. Make believe is always better. You are always the princess in your own fairytale. Fairytale and dreams never come true. There is never a happy forever after.
I blasted the music super loudly in hope to drown off the deathly silence. I buried myself with work to stop myself from feeling lonely. The computer and a notebook had became my only friends over time. And I am comfortable staying this way.
How I wish I have no heart. How I wish I can't see. How I wish I hear nothing but silence. How I wish I am dead.
Many people out there may be wishing for eyes that see, ears that hear. But I am complaining about it. Would they still want it when they see that life is not just rainbows and butterflies?
I always tell myself to believe. Tell myself to hope. I have been pinning onto "hopes" and "believes" for so long now. I am tired of wishing for the best, raising my anticipation, to only fall in to pints and pints of shattered glass.
Somehow, the glimpse of hope seemed so far away. Is there even any hope in this cruel world? My faith and believe is starting to waiver. I see nothing but darkness. I am a part of the dead world now. But why am I still feeling the ache in my heart when I typed this? How I wish I am made up of cold, hard metal.
Knowing I can't stand the pain, but I wish it will not go away. It constantly reminds me of how much hurt the world can bring. But when will my string of tolerance break? I hope it's soon. So I can just leave without second thought. I know it'll be irresponsible for me to just go. Too many people out there are leaning on me. I got to be a pillar, strong and tough. A pillar with a steady foundation so it would not fall. However, no matter what it is made of, how strong or how tough it is, it would wear and tear. It would corrode under acid rain. It would age someday. And collapse eventually... I have held on for so long. I feel like letting myself fall into a deep eternal sleep. Only then, I could rest.
How I wish I could swallow a bottle of Dormicum now. I would if I could, and say good bye for good. Maybe I should for my shoulders' giving way - the problems are surfing up waves after waves, continuously again and again. I can't even take a breather. There is no time to hesitate or think. It's either do or die. I think I'm about to give up. Give up on this life.
Sorry if I had chosen the easier way out of life. I am way to tired to carry on this battle.
But I cannot give up. There is a lot of people who needs me. Please, continue needing me in your life. You guys are the strength that keeps me going. Going in this cold, cruel, hateful world.
A shoulder to cry on
What is wrong with me keeping quiet?
I totally detest people to disturb me when I am doing something serious. And that Fucker have to keep trying his luck, poking on my already-running-super-thin patience and making me erupt. I already "prevented" any possible fireworks in the house by staying in my room everyday. They have to step into my only space and set fire.
I tell you, if he were to slapped me then, there would be no promises that I wouldn't fight back. Anyway, it's not the first time we got into fights anyway. Sometimes the hate gets too deeply infested in my brain that I fantasize of stabbing him with the sharpest knife I can. But sharp knives don't cause hurt. I'll slice his scab off with pencil. Watch the blood flow. The killer instincts are pulsating through my veins. I can feel it in my arteries and pumping so hard that it seems to be alive. The worst day of the Couple's life was on my first birthday. They should have ended my life in the Operating Theater.
I can't wait till my freedom is passed down. Anyway, suddenly it doesn't seem so important anymore. Nothing seems important anymore. All I feel like doing is just give up, but am afraid of death. What's there to be afraid of?! It is not the dying process but the after-deed that you left behind. With the world on your shoulders, you are pressured into moving on. Even when your feet are blistered. Even when you are fatigue. Even when you feel like collapsing. You have to move on. Guess the burdens are my pushing power.
I know, another relapse. Doctor's words ringing in my ear. Lalala. Am ignoring you. Anyway, life is going to end some day. Only a matter of when and where or how. Die young and beautiful, is all I know.
I am only human. I feel tired too. I have my moments of weakness. Where do I find my inner strength. I want to pull that shit out of me and get the motivation to not give up, not be a quitter, no matter how much I want to fall flat on my face and collapse. I have to hang on. Not for them. But for people who genuinely needs me around. I am an example to little kids. Falling into my footsteps is never a problem for rebellious kids. But why follow someone like me when there are successful people out there in the world worthy to be looked up upon.
But then I found a glimmer of hope. A hope that I knew I shouldn't get close to. A shoulder that I knew I shouldn't have lean on. But temptation was way to much. I yearn to be pampered too. I yearn to be a child. I grew up way too fast and never did smile from my heart before. Other than anger and hate, I don't feel anything. I turned into a robot way too fast. Lucky for me, I still kept my heart.
Ugly side of the world. I haven't seen anything yet. Whatever I am going through, there will always be another child worse off than me.
I am counted lucky for the fact that I still have a shoulder to cry on.....
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The release of smoke and anger
The title is absolute rubbish. But I felt that way when I got really pissed off by some idiots stupid acts.
Haze around Singapore. Oh well, I can't blame whichever person who is setting the forest on fire. That is their income source. So I shall go around flaring at everyone else.
Damn it. My mind is so occupied that I cannot even organize my thoughts properly. My words are in chunks and pieces. Total waste of time. Not even linking up.
Must be sleeping that causes this. Sleeping is bad. Bad bad bad. Causes me to miss out on a lot of things.
Shall. Stay. Awake.
I will re-organize my thoughts and write a better post.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Finally after a long long night
FINALLY!After a long night, starting from 9pm, I did my website, Shop With Ris, until now, which is 6.35am in the morning.
Not all the pictures are up yet, but enough to keep you busy as of now.
AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF.
But I am so freaking tired.
Finally, a rest day.
A Chinese Post
Sorry if you do not read Chinese. Just want to voice out my views on somethings and NORMALLY I would talk to myself or think in English but somehow Mandarin is better in translating the thoughts, the strength of the words and the emotions beneath. Pardon me.
Anyway, I cannot type Chinese here. Or should I say TRADITIONAL Chinese characters. I know I am super show off la. As if you don't already know my pattern. I shall find a way to write it anyway.
For this post, I specially went to get the "Chinese writing set" from my Parents' room, install the whole disk of god-knows-what and with a pen and something like a sensor-activated notepad, I wrote in the words one by one. So if you noticed some are in Simplified Chinese and some in Traditional Chinese, don't blame me okay? The last time I wrote in Chinese was during my G.C.E. "O" Levels.
Somehow when I uploaded it, it turned back into Simplified Chinese! Argh~ All my showing off is gone gone gone gone gone~
I hope you see what I am trying to say.
I have been through hurt and heartbreak too. Easiest way for me to forget that special one, direct all your love into hate. Think about all his bad. Think about all his shortcomings. Find another guy who is totally different from him. Move on.
I hope you will be calm during these 10 days (I know how it can feels like eternity), sleep as much as you can. Time flies faster that way.
If you need me, I am just a message away.
With the most sincere heart and care,
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Finally I managed to reach my own expectation of how a website should be.
Take a look at the new Home & Leisure website. Isn't it a beau? I am so proud of myself. However, the down side is that it is a tad bit of a lag. Trying to figure out how I can actually go about making it run faster.
Am so super proud of myself. And in any case why I have not set up my blog shop, apparently blogger does not allow one to use it's web for commercial purpose. It got shut down. Does anyone knows of any hosting (FREE ONES) websites that I can use?
Anyway, the domain name for my blog shop is Shop With Ris. The pictures are not uploaded as I have so many clothes to flaunt and there is absolutely too little time for me to snap all. Plus, I try to retrieve the pictures from the original website so that I need not open them up. If there are duplicates, I would model them myself so that you can tell the length of the clothes.
Alright. One website down, 3 to go. Mine will always be the last.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
After such a long time
I did it after such a long long time! I FINALLY DID UP THE BLOG SHOP after endless nights of Insomia and days of reading information.
But now another problem. How to upload pictures at the templates? I did it all in the templates. Wahaha. I didn't even bother to post anything. I don't even know how to post them at different categories and link it up. So might as well do up a really really long template. =)
Am so happy with myself. Finally, I can catch up on some winks. People are telling me my dark eye circles and eye bags are beyond hope.
I feel ugly.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Three days and still counting
Don't tell this to my psychiatrist or he'll faint. I had not slept in 3 going to 4 days even with the help of like 5 different types of sleeping pills. Okay, to be fair I do doze off for half an hour and am freshly awake again. My Mom and Dad practically tears their hair off every night. Now they no longer worry for they know it is the norm. My dark eye circles are like way beyond hope. I look freaky.
Moral is that you won't want to see me. Not in Jurong or anywhere. I look freaking horrendous. So much so that I SCARE myself in the mirror at night. Okay la. There is only one mirror in my room and it is inside a wardrobe. I always keep the wardrobe closed at night for fear that Sadako or whatever nincompoop monster will pop out of there. I saw this in the movies. People who believes in black magic keep their mirrors covered at night so as not to meet "them". For me, it is to prevent myself from scaring myself.
And I promised that I would indulge a little thing about my brothers and buddies calling me the "most manly feminine woman".
Here is how the name comes about. All my brothers and buddies will patronize several "la sup" (dirty in Hokkien) nightclubs in a month. Then normally the guys will call for woman. And normally, you would think I'll end up being shy and all, sitting at a corner, but no. I will call one to two ladies myself. Of course they must be pretty and young. Anything above 23 I will reject. Not lesbian or at least a bi-sexual, no way. Not willing to play (unless I am with a group who don't play till overboard), reject. Lao Niang's expectation super high one. And I am a Male Chauvinist Pig. I always insist on bringing back the girls, but I don't bring them home nor to hotel. I just leave them downstairs and ask them to go home whilst paying for their night's fees. Half of them would U-turn back to work anyway, but if Mamasan tell me, that's it. I won't call her ever again. Unless she changes her name. I don't even remember names nor even look into their faces. I just want a woman to show my superiority and perhaps a little flirting won't hurt. But I would never pay attention to their words for I know my heart is soft and would end up giving them everything that I have (happened once before! I gave her USD 5000 as tips as she need to support her whole family, blah blah blah and after I gave her the money, she whipped out a very new phone at that time. It was the Nokia N something and I know I being taken for carrot head already). I know. I got super big balls one. Cannot let my woman suffer, cannot let the people around me work, cannot let them earn money. All the burden must be on me. I must be the man who brings the dough home, do up household chores. Fucking big balls got me into million shit!
A few nights ago, I went to M****** (have to protect nightclubs if not next time they don't allow me in) and this friend called reminding me of my curfew. I just gave the girl short time fee and rushed off. Outside the plaza, this very tall but skinny guy came up and held my waist (I deserves it as I was wearing a cropped tee and way too mini skirt) thinking of I was one of the working girls. I was nice to give him 3 seconds before whacking him okay. Lucky my guy friend was there if not I sure jia lat one. Confirm drag to one side and gang rape. AND, funny thing is that I stretched too much and dislocated my shoulder for the *ponders* lost count of how many times already. Imagine I tahan all the pain till I reach home and twist it back myself. Wa. FUCKING LOAD OF COURAGE. Lucky I am a still-not-bad medically inclined student. Chee bye. After that day I told myself must be woman.
So I became really girly the next day, in my low-cut, partial see-through white dress and 5 inch killer fish-mouthed heels and went for a filming and an interview. Act tough again. Big balls. Die also don't want to admit pain. Die also don't want to let Date fetch me. Die also must crawl there. The filming was at 3 and the interview ended about 7 plus 8. I die die also crawl home. First thing is to remove that bloody leather shoe. Total casualties: 3 toes on each side. Total number of bleeding/emergency cases: 2 toes on each side. Na bey. Lao Niang, without further hesitation, threw the new pair of shoes away.
Big balls la. See la. MCP lor. Act smart. Lose people no lose face (Hokkien: Su lang bo su bin). Orh bi good.
There is only one thing I would admit to. I am bloody scared of ghost/monster/giant creepy crawlies/nightmare and the list is never ending.
Oh, and Date surprise hugged me yesterday and nearly got bashed up. Don't do this kind of sudden movement on me. My natural reactions are very violent. I can even fight when I am sleeping. I have no idea how but I can seem to sense where you are and where you have dodge and just hit you at the correct spot. I am normally dead asleep if I ever were to sleep so I HAVE no recollection or whatsoever on this. Just know that really a lot a lot a lot of people got it from me.
Actually there is a girly side of me I realized. I love shopping. And when I GET girly, I AM girly. But you'll seldom see that side of me. All my guy friends treat me like guy. Only Date is the blind man who manage to see the girl in me.
Thank god, he did.
VOTE FOR ME
Okay. I took a sweetie's advice (yes, it is you "Y") and joined the Cam Queen of the Year on an impulse. I know 3-4 days of hard thinking and sorting out various emotions, fighting with your inner self, listing down all the consequences and making mental notes on how to go about doing this thing is NOT AN IMPULSE but I am just trying to make losing seem better.
Reasons why you should vote for me (I feel like I am doing my Secondary School "Choose me as your Class Leader's speech) -
1) This took me really a lot of consideration, not to mention the amount of time.
2) I normally do not make up. To do this, I've watched over 60 make up tutorials, did endless of homework, shoppings and practice.
3) I did this shoot from 3am till 7am. I am that lousy with my make up skills (I can't help it! The make up artists pampered me too much).
4) I am afraid of losing and being ridiculed! There, I have admitted my low self confidence.
5) I think I do have a vast difference in terms of looks.
6) I need the money.
7) I love Xiaxue's make up but I just cannot achieve her cuteness and make up skills (irrelevant - I know).
8) By voting for me, it gives me more esteem. You want to help a damsel in distress, don't you?
9) Too many pretty ladies out there and I feel like being the queen.
10) I lost my title. Now I want it back.
11) You guys love me. So vote for me.
12) I will award a virtual kiss to you.
13) It's been a year since I've last contested in ANYTHING.
14) I just want some recognition for my beauty.
15) I am a vain pot and I deserve to win.
I can go on forever. But most importantly is that, I really loved to be recognized for what I have. I put in real effort, time and money into this. I hope to be able to win with my own abilities and prove to those people whom thought that I bought my Miss Singapore World title was wrong.
This is a chance to prove myself again. It is really important to me. For a queen that fell, the hardest thing is to get back on stage again. And by actually submitting the entry, I have already shown my determination not to be beaten. I don't want to be a fallen queen forever. I want to stand right back up on the shining stage and smile from my heart again.
I cannot believe that writing my thoughts down can drive me to tears. Am so not going to let you guys see my soft side. Feel like re-writing this again. But somehow, I carried on writing. For I know, I would just blabber out the truthful heart and start crying again. Now, I don't know if I should let out a sigh of relieve or should I feel sad. I am torn between happiness and sorrow. Laughing while crying. It's wierd. But at least the stone from my heart is removed.
I KNOW, I WILL BE ABLE TO STAND RIGHT BACK UP AT THE PLACE WHERE I HAVE FALLEN.
Please, your vote gives me the courage to carry on. Your encouraging words give me the strength to continue the long route of life. It's you, my friends (I treat all of you as friends), who gave me the motivation to move on.
I once believed in that riches and endless money could get you everywhere. But someone told me, money can buy you sex but not true from-the-heart love. Money can get you the best bed but not sleep. Money can buy you sleeping pills but not health. Money can get you health but not happiness. Money can give you momentarily enjoyment but not a true smile. Money can give you great teeth but not warmth. Money can buy you blanket but not fill the emptiness in your heart....... And the list goes on..... Reason why they all link to each other is because I keep talking back to him, trying to debate with him that "Money is everything".
The most important things in life is not money, not sex, not drugs. The most important thing is friends, family and love. Till date, I realized......
Specially thanks to you, "Y" to give me the PUSH to go ahead with the contest.
Aiyah! Enough of all this touchy touchy stuff. Read le all my goosebumps start to appear. *Roll eyes and act tough* Just in case you all forgot me, I did up some shoots while making up.
There you go! My little make up tips! Not mine la. I just try to mimic whatever Xiaxue did on the tutorial. =P
I think it's been too long since I have last put on foundation (hate that stuff as it suffocates my skin) and when I retrieve my foundation from the dust filled make up pouch, I nearly faint. For hygiene reasons, I threw away every single content and buy them again. Cannot imagine using overdue stuff on my precious skin. It is bad enough that I do not take Anti-Oxidant, take enough Vitamin E and Vitamin C and the fact that I am on a crash diet.
I think I am better off being a zombie. On the other hand, I feel delighted. I still know the basic make up how-to. Wahahahahaha.
P/S : I don't know why my face is so stern while taking the pictures. They say women can multi-task. Not true for me. My brain work, my hands stop working. My hands work, my facial expressions go into rest. I am the most manly feminine woman ever. Only my brothers and buddies know why I say that. =P Shall leave this topic for the next post!!
Can you image 3 full pages of my news?
I found this link online and thought that it was HILARIOUS.
They are giving more fame than I thought. Stupid people with nothing better to do but post rubbish on their sites. I do have to admit some are really creative AND it so happens that the creative ones are the truth. Others are like so typical-television-drama-series.
I still can't get over the Claire Lee thing la. I mean if you want, say it right to my face. So what if I did attended court? So what if I have been CHARGED (not convicted - READ THE FREAKING DIFFERENCE!).
My records would be clean by the end of my probation. Hopefully~ Of course for I have been such a good little girl.
People who ridicule at me know nothing about life. You judge me from head to toe. Well, tell you what. I am far more respected than you are.
I stopped depending on my parents financially, physically and mentally since I was like 15. I work hard part time and STILL MANAGE TO GET DECENT GRADE FOR MY G.C.E O LEVELS. I try my best not to make them worry. I do my part as their child. Even though I lived away from home in a rented apartment for more than half a year. But I did not create any troubles outside or indulge in any vices (actually I did but I was not apprehended). I was independent.
Every single cent I made was my own hard earned money. Every single move or decision I made comes with a huge amount of consideration. Consequences may be disastrous, however, once in a while I would risk it.
Somehow, with the fact that I do think more maturely than other kids my age, I have the tendency to take chances. I rebel knowing that it is wrong. I circled myself around vices even when I know the fact that I would end up in serious shit. But I just cannot help it. Vices are too tempting. However, I always know when to stop. Vices can be fun if you control them. If it happens to be the other way round, you are a goner for sure. Like fire, they are bad masters but superb servant.
I have tried too many things and some would land my pretty ass in jail if I mentioned it (the police can used your post as a statement and classified it under self-surrender) so I don't name the things I have done.
I didn't know that if you face this kind of situation, it is actually the first stage of Bipolar Disorder - when you cannot differentiate between right or wrong. All the while I THOUGHT I am just plain playful, attention-seeking and blah blah blah! The moral is if you feel like me, go seek help. Tell someone what you are doing and that you know is wrong but you just so can't help it.
Enough of my childhood rubbish. I was and is still super talkative and an extrovert to outsiders but a total different person at home. I just stay in my room. No television. No talking. Just me and the bed with the lap top or books to kill my boredom.
OH! Something really hilarious happened today. I was chatting with Date (I know. He disappeared from my blog for a long long time and I bet you guys already forgotten who he is) and "quarreling" with this idiot online.
It started out with me adding him on Facebook, thinking that he is one of the guys from Buttcheeks. Then he asked me who am I so on and so forth. I just stated something like, "Are you Aa***?" -Name deleted to protect the party's identity- I think he got like freaking offended or something and he started to get really rude.
Funny. You just have to answer "yes" or "no". Why get angry when others mistook your identity.
OH! Perhaps I can just upload the conversation. I promised I would post everything here and made him famous. And guess what? THAT COWARD DELETED HIS ENTIRE FACEBOOK! Wahahaha. Small penis, no guts and absolutely brainless. And I will post his User Identification up even though it might not be there anymore.
Am so going to post it anyway even when I feel a bit bad. He deserves it but sadly, it'll be without pictures. Here it goes -
Me : Ya. I was nice enough to ask you nicely. Guess it doesn't pay to be even nice at all. Think you should be the one using your dick head. Oh well, both do not perform well anyway. Don't bother which one to use. It is the same. Just go indulge in your lonesome life and be so miserable while watching others being happier than you.
I wish YOU WOULD STOP REPLY for it is taking up my precious time just to reply your stupid message. ALL I MESSAGED YOU WAS, "ARE YOU AAGIR". A simple yes or no will do. Yes, fine. No, fuck off! That simple. You just have to go round and round seeking for attention.
My eyes are rolling so much, they are dropping out of their sockets.
Stupid idiots just have to be alive. DuH~
Naga มังกร Sharwn : Hahaa. Don't pretend to be innocent u fucking stupid dumb bimbo. Scroll up and see who was rude?! Need me to send u a screenshot bitch?
Naga มังกร Sharwn : Hahaa. Don't pretend to be innocent u fucking stupid dumb bimbo. Scroll up and see who was rude?! Need me to send u a screenshot bitch?
Me : Touchy touchy~! I AM ALWAYS NICE. =) Aiyah~ you probably think you are important enough for me to save your messages but I always delete them after replying. You are not, and will never be any significant so why bother. Funny how idiots are. Can stop replying already cos I got better things to do than to reply you. This will be the last piece of note you'll ever get from me. Keep it for souvenir sake for you won't be getting anymore.
I have met nicer people than you and they'll will always be a part of me. For you, of course you'll be a part of me. A part of my shit. =D Have a nice, shitty day, shit~
P/S: If you think that the last two messages I've sent is rude, you have not seen anything yet, sweetie.
Naga มังกร Sharwn : No wonder people ridicule you. You're a joke. Go get drunk and fucked more and add more guys. Fucking bimbo. Disgraceful lolol
Me : ALRIGHT THIS IS THE FUCKING LAST STRAW. YOU FUCKING SMALL PENIS. COME OUT IF YOU DARE. CHEE BYE. WANT TO SAY, THEN SAY RIGHT IN THE FACE. YOU ARE SO SMALL - PEOPLE DO NOT EVEN WANT TO SEE YOU.
BY EVEN MEETING YOU, IT IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.
NOW I AM CHALLENGING YOU. COME OUT IF YOU DARE - SMALL PENIS.
Naga มังกร Sharwn : Haha. Put time and place la. Give it up alr. You're nobody to me. You're scum
Me : tomorrow. say 12 noon good enough for you? place say bedok. =)
Me : bedok reservoir there. anyway, can't wait to see a loser. OH! what am I saying? having a SMALL PENIS IS A LOSER!
Naga มังกร Sharwn : Are u really that stupid? Go bedok reservoir swim ah? Stupid fool
Me : no. to murder you. air head small dick. brainless fuck.
Naga มังกร Sharwn : That's not a very nice thing to say bout your dad!!
Me : implying you're my dad? hah. gotta try harder. ANYWAY, AM SUPER TIRED OF TALKING TO YOU. OR SHOULD I SAY PLAYING AND TREATING YOU LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOOL. SO FUCK OFF AND DIE . You'll become popular overnight. Trust me.
Naga มังกร Sharwn : You're boring... Kk whatever. Bye. Don't think I will be as popular in e bad way like u
No words were changed. Totally copied and paste. Look at his English, punctuation and sentence structure. *Roll eyes again* The thought of this dick-head gives me goosebumps. I can't help but think why are there IDIOTS like him out there. They should die early and give us some peace and quiet. *Meditates before going hysterical again*
I lost the top parts (when I was really, genuinely nice to him, having to think that he is Mr A). Now you all know that I do not save messages, texts, emails and etcetera... I always delete if they are of no use or private. Things that I keep are not-yet-been-done tasks, date, time and place of next shoot, work related. All secrets are deleted. So I am a really safe person. My phone, computer, SIM card, memory card, work documents, files, emails and anything that can be set with a password are all locked. All with different passwords (which can be a hindrance when you forget BUT I always link them from one device to another device).
He thinks I am bad. Look whose speaking~~ *Whistles and glance around*
Judge for yourself people. See who is the rude one. I am bloody innocent okay! Go ask any of my friends or even fans or enemies. I never flare at anyone before unless I happen to get my work jammed up (that, I would even kill to release my anger). Even to people I do not know, I still sympathize with them when they tell me their stories. I can just delete it but I listen, I read AND took the time out to reply no matter how busy.
Being nice does not pay. It really doesn't.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Date's surprise visit
It's been like a GAZILLION years since I met up with Date.
Today I have no idea why he suddenly so sweet. Got me on the verge of having diabetes. He called me and I made him go around the whole of Singapore looking for desert treats. Wahahaha. Freaking mean - I know. But it is pretty fun to tease someone sometimes.
Asked him to look for Bird Nest, Xue Ge aka Toad's Saliva, White Fungus Soup and also TONS of Rocher Beancurd. Wahahah. Super fattening but makes a good desert.
I have no idea where he can find Bird Nest and all the funny things at this time (about 10pm) but he managed to.
I have to think of more funny items to ask him to buy.......
Monday, October 4, 2010
A little help goes a long way
Can anyone teach me how to transfer my blog to the one with RSS feeds?
Meaning to change my existing HTML to the one with XML. I read up on the instructions and they said only to add a single line of "
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">" to every SINGLE page and do up the rest as normal.
It took me more than a decade without sleep and constant reading of instructions to finally know how to do HTML, CSS and FLASH for my websites and now pop up another XHTML. How to convert huh. If I were to use their templates, then everything would be gone!!!! ****Gasps for air in a hysterical way**** I love my current look and am not very keen on changing it. So can someone help me out?
Headache ah headache.... How to do? I NEED my RSS Feeds to do a lot of things, like advertising and linking up to my www.blog.omy.sg/rislow.
Head pain ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~
I hate computers. But they are so useful! Argh! Another love-hate relationship.
I could send you the HTML codes and you convert it for me? Please? Ya la. But I know myself very well. I probably got more haters out there, smarter than me and laughing their ass off my stupidity. *Roll eyes and turns behind* But I believe my lovers are WAY smarter because they have EYES that see, EARS that hear and a HEART to feel. So, even if you (my readers-specifically) do not know HTML, it is okay for we are far superior to the other beings out there.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Being in the top 100 List of Sexiest Woman in FHM
I cannot believe it too. I don't even know about it so it came as a total surprise when Wan Bao called me. I know I WAS INVITED to the party but due to some probational rules and stuff, I couldn't excuse myself. =(
It would have been so nice to hear my name announced. =P I know I am super uber thick skinned but at least I DON'T LIE.
Some tragic stuffs happened and am now in the lowest of mood. But her best friend is not feeling any better.
Life is short. Live and die BEAUTIFUL! Like a moth. Moths are attracted to fires. They know that they'll burn themselves and die. But they still head towards it anyway. Just for that moment of sparkle to make their life worthwhile. Every other people would remember you for that sparkle it created. Smart moth, smart. Therefore, IF YOU ARE OUT TO PURSUE FAME, GO AHEAD AND JUST DO IT. If you fail, it's ok. Stand up and move on.
Go for what you want. Do not hesitate. There might not be another opportunity. Life is THAT fragile.
Friday, October 1, 2010
My blog shop and some important stuffs
I am pretty ready with my blog shop and just lacking of the pictures to be put up. Ha ha. Am so pai seh to use myself as the model for those dresses which seems long for the models online are really short when I wear it.
I happen to be 171cm so they look like Tunic tops to me. Ha ha. However, I have a sudden urge to use the pictures online as the display pictures. But problem is that I do not know the model's height even though that the length and everything is stated. However, the information seems untrue. =( I may not use myself as the model for I am way too tall for "dresses". =( It suck being tall. Albert Einstein once said a theory that "the taller you live or the taller you are, you tend to grow old faster for you are further from gravity". Which is why short people LOOK YOUNG FOREVER! Unfair!!!!
Well, got to think of a way. ;) I am looking forward to the launch of my blog shop. =D I cannot stop grinning at the thought of it.
I will bring out the best for everyone and make sure that every penny spent is what you get. Problem is.... I need a stupid scanner. But I reckoned that using photography would be clear enough. Or perhaps we would meet up and I can show you the receipt. Plus, you can save on postage!!!! He he. Every penny saved is a penny earned. =) Remember that hor!!
If you find that you have extra money, I would strongly advice you to donate to those in need. Especially for Autism families. Their school fees are about $160++ for a week (or is it for a day? I forgot le). Anyway, I know it is a really hefty sum of money. So I sincerely wish that people who have extra to spare can help out with the families. But please do not believe everyone. Check their family background before donating. Some are out to cheat people's sympathy. Some are really in need. So be careful of who you help.
Today I visited the Autism Home for Children and went to a few household. I cried my way throughout. I am so icy I don't feel anything other than happiness and anger. But suddenly, I feel like I am really fortunate. I have a proper home, a great loving family and there is nothing more that I can ever ask for. I work hard, even though I still can't find a proper job but if missing a meal or two or shopping less can help someone relieve their burden, why not?
I don't sympathize with anyone. I think it is all in the mind. There are always worse people other there. Children with born illness cannot even live past a year old. What's there to complain? So what if you are handicapped (in terms of physical or mental)?! Be strong and do not wallow in self-pity. Look at the world. There are so many people out there starving and yet they are strong enough to face life. Yes, I am that icy. But I know I have a soft heart. Na bey..... Told you guys my soft spot. But I just feel like blurting everything out.
I went to visit my ex-boyfriend's mother today. She aged so much. He got himself into trouble, AGAIN with the same problem. Why don't people learn from their mistakes? I don't pity him for he is the one who got himself into this mess. My heart ache when I see his mother cry when I mentioned about him. I ended up being a running tap. -.-" I am suppose to be heartless - I told myself. But an old lady like her, having to bring up 2 kids alone is really taxing. Luckily for his sister, she is really sensible. I believe she have the making to be someone someday. I am really happy for her. Plus, I believe she would find a really great man that she can depend on and love her wholeheartedly. Be optimistic, HC. You know I am always here.
Anyway, I once saw this kid at the hospital I worked at and he knows he is dying of leukemia. But did he blame anyone? No. He faced it bravely and smiled throughout the whole painful session. I saw him at his last breath. He told me sweetly and said a simple "Thank you" which warmed my heart totally. I did not cry at his death bed. Instead, I smiled and told him silently that he is finally with God in heaven, free from pain and suffering.
I used to envy people. But when I see other unfortunate people, I know, that life is unfair. Some people suffer more than the others. We should be thankful that we lived. A day lived means an earning.
When it comes to donation, I do not scrimp nor save. I believe that everyone have the right to live. I may die anytime too. You cannot bring money to your death bed. So why bother? Have enough for rainy days and do some charity.
If you guys need any help, you can always get to me. But I do total research and inspection as there are a lot of frauds out there. I do not help if I do not know your background. Do not expect me to give you money for your drugs or gambling debts. By doing that, I am actually getting you into deeper shit.
I know I helped a lot of people that I never expect would lie to me. In fact, I always believed that there is kindness within everyone. Treat them sincerely and you would get the same treatment. Disappointment hit me again and again. But I never give up. Finally I saw two white sheep among the black herd. Hope they would be successful and establish their business.
And I shall not lie. www.de-xpress.com is done up by me and I hope readers out there could help spread the word. He is really changing for the better and his customer services had been improving a great deal. Please, if you have any friends who are moving, why not give him a try? His quotes are really market-spoiling low and provides super good after-sales services.
Another acquaintance that I helped is www.homeandleisure.com. It is an advertising company. It prints an A5 handy booklet that is distributed among Landed Properties, Condominiums and H.D.B. It is having a promotion now and hence, a great time to invest as their booklet is published bi-monthly. I believe people companies who are targeting at the higher end customers can benefit a whole deal from this. Please spread the word as well. You can drop them an email (their email addresses are at the website) and they would head down to your preferred location and time to elaborate more about their services to you.
These are the two very sincere "friends" that I have found and I believe that they would treat everyone with respect and go the extra mile with their services for they know that I am helping them and I would hold full responsibility if they were to give services which are not up to standard.
I used my name, reputation and everything I have to assure you that they would treat clients with their heart, pride and soul.
Please, do patronize them and give your utmost honest feedback regarding their work efficiency. Only with criticism they can improve. Encouragement is always welcomed as this would give them more confidence to serve each and everyone better.
I am on the verge of losing my Baby. I didn't know that she needs to be registered with AVA. =( I am really sad right now....... What if she gets confiscated? What will I do without my daily companion by my bed side?
I don't know what is wrong with me. Must be PMS. I suddenly feel so emotional to everything and everyone. -Bang my head against the wall- Be ICY!!!!! MUST. BE. ICY! NO EMOTION. NO EMOTION. NO EMOTION.
Good. Now I am back to normal. Ice queen - Miss Ris Low.
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay