Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
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Saturday, October 23, 2010
A shoulder to cry on
What is wrong with me keeping quiet?
I totally detest people to disturb me when I am doing something serious. And that Fucker have to keep trying his luck, poking on my already-running-super-thin patience and making me erupt. I already "prevented" any possible fireworks in the house by staying in my room everyday. They have to step into my only space and set fire.
I tell you, if he were to slapped me then, there would be no promises that I wouldn't fight back. Anyway, it's not the first time we got into fights anyway. Sometimes the hate gets too deeply infested in my brain that I fantasize of stabbing him with the sharpest knife I can. But sharp knives don't cause hurt. I'll slice his scab off with pencil. Watch the blood flow. The killer instincts are pulsating through my veins. I can feel it in my arteries and pumping so hard that it seems to be alive. The worst day of the Couple's life was on my first birthday. They should have ended my life in the Operating Theater.
I can't wait till my freedom is passed down. Anyway, suddenly it doesn't seem so important anymore. Nothing seems important anymore. All I feel like doing is just give up, but am afraid of death. What's there to be afraid of?! It is not the dying process but the after-deed that you left behind. With the world on your shoulders, you are pressured into moving on. Even when your feet are blistered. Even when you are fatigue. Even when you feel like collapsing. You have to move on. Guess the burdens are my pushing power.
I know, another relapse. Doctor's words ringing in my ear. Lalala. Am ignoring you. Anyway, life is going to end some day. Only a matter of when and where or how. Die young and beautiful, is all I know.
I am only human. I feel tired too. I have my moments of weakness. Where do I find my inner strength. I want to pull that shit out of me and get the motivation to not give up, not be a quitter, no matter how much I want to fall flat on my face and collapse. I have to hang on. Not for them. But for people who genuinely needs me around. I am an example to little kids. Falling into my footsteps is never a problem for rebellious kids. But why follow someone like me when there are successful people out there in the world worthy to be looked up upon.
But then I found a glimmer of hope. A hope that I knew I shouldn't get close to. A shoulder that I knew I shouldn't have lean on. But temptation was way to much. I yearn to be pampered too. I yearn to be a child. I grew up way too fast and never did smile from my heart before. Other than anger and hate, I don't feel anything. I turned into a robot way too fast. Lucky for me, I still kept my heart.
Ugly side of the world. I haven't seen anything yet. Whatever I am going through, there will always be another child worse off than me.
I am counted lucky for the fact that I still have a shoulder to cry on.....
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay