Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
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Monday, October 11, 2010
Three days and still counting
Don't tell this to my psychiatrist or he'll faint. I had not slept in 3 going to 4 days even with the help of like 5 different types of sleeping pills. Okay, to be fair I do doze off for half an hour and am freshly awake again. My Mom and Dad practically tears their hair off every night. Now they no longer worry for they know it is the norm. My dark eye circles are like way beyond hope. I look freaky.
Moral is that you won't want to see me. Not in Jurong or anywhere. I look freaking horrendous. So much so that I SCARE myself in the mirror at night. Okay la. There is only one mirror in my room and it is inside a wardrobe. I always keep the wardrobe closed at night for fear that Sadako or whatever nincompoop monster will pop out of there. I saw this in the movies. People who believes in black magic keep their mirrors covered at night so as not to meet "them". For me, it is to prevent myself from scaring myself.
And I promised that I would indulge a little thing about my brothers and buddies calling me the "most manly feminine woman".
Here is how the name comes about. All my brothers and buddies will patronize several "la sup" (dirty in Hokkien) nightclubs in a month. Then normally the guys will call for woman. And normally, you would think I'll end up being shy and all, sitting at a corner, but no. I will call one to two ladies myself. Of course they must be pretty and young. Anything above 23 I will reject. Not lesbian or at least a bi-sexual, no way. Not willing to play (unless I am with a group who don't play till overboard), reject. Lao Niang's expectation super high one. And I am a Male Chauvinist Pig. I always insist on bringing back the girls, but I don't bring them home nor to hotel. I just leave them downstairs and ask them to go home whilst paying for their night's fees. Half of them would U-turn back to work anyway, but if Mamasan tell me, that's it. I won't call her ever again. Unless she changes her name. I don't even remember names nor even look into their faces. I just want a woman to show my superiority and perhaps a little flirting won't hurt. But I would never pay attention to their words for I know my heart is soft and would end up giving them everything that I have (happened once before! I gave her USD 5000 as tips as she need to support her whole family, blah blah blah and after I gave her the money, she whipped out a very new phone at that time. It was the Nokia N something and I know I being taken for carrot head already). I know. I got super big balls one. Cannot let my woman suffer, cannot let the people around me work, cannot let them earn money. All the burden must be on me. I must be the man who brings the dough home, do up household chores. Fucking big balls got me into million shit!
A few nights ago, I went to M****** (have to protect nightclubs if not next time they don't allow me in) and this friend called reminding me of my curfew. I just gave the girl short time fee and rushed off. Outside the plaza, this very tall but skinny guy came up and held my waist (I deserves it as I was wearing a cropped tee and way too mini skirt) thinking of I was one of the working girls. I was nice to give him 3 seconds before whacking him okay. Lucky my guy friend was there if not I sure jia lat one. Confirm drag to one side and gang rape. AND, funny thing is that I stretched too much and dislocated my shoulder for the *ponders* lost count of how many times already. Imagine I tahan all the pain till I reach home and twist it back myself. Wa. FUCKING LOAD OF COURAGE. Lucky I am a still-not-bad medically inclined student. Chee bye. After that day I told myself must be woman.
So I became really girly the next day, in my low-cut, partial see-through white dress and 5 inch killer fish-mouthed heels and went for a filming and an interview. Act tough again. Big balls. Die also don't want to admit pain. Die also don't want to let Date fetch me. Die also must crawl there. The filming was at 3 and the interview ended about 7 plus 8. I die die also crawl home. First thing is to remove that bloody leather shoe. Total casualties: 3 toes on each side. Total number of bleeding/emergency cases: 2 toes on each side. Na bey. Lao Niang, without further hesitation, threw the new pair of shoes away.
Big balls la. See la. MCP lor. Act smart. Lose people no lose face (Hokkien: Su lang bo su bin). Orh bi good.
There is only one thing I would admit to. I am bloody scared of ghost/monster/giant creepy crawlies/nightmare and the list is never ending.
Oh, and Date surprise hugged me yesterday and nearly got bashed up. Don't do this kind of sudden movement on me. My natural reactions are very violent. I can even fight when I am sleeping. I have no idea how but I can seem to sense where you are and where you have dodge and just hit you at the correct spot. I am normally dead asleep if I ever were to sleep so I HAVE no recollection or whatsoever on this. Just know that really a lot a lot a lot of people got it from me.
Actually there is a girly side of me I realized. I love shopping. And when I GET girly, I AM girly. But you'll seldom see that side of me. All my guy friends treat me like guy. Only Date is the blind man who manage to see the girl in me.
Thank god, he did.
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay