Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
My Social Networking Links
My Facebook **hint hint - add me**
The Only One And Best Exotic Dance School In Singapore
My Ultimate Shopping Heaven
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
It has been a GAZILLION years since I've last updated my blog.
My life went into the pits. Down right low. I don't know when and/or how I got into this shit mood that I was in. Neither do I know when I started feeling this way. All I want is to drug myself stupid, stay hidden in my room, fuck myself out of the world and live in my private space.
It's not that I am depressed. It's just that I am in a slump. I enjoy a conversation with myself than talking to a real person. I thought I needed a push. And god damn right I was. I needed something to blast me out of the dump. The pit that I buried myself into was way deeper than what I thought it was.
The push - my only motivation. Money and burden. I need to get that spark to keep my life moving on. I decided to pen this only because I need to do something. Something other than just lying on my bed and day dreaming. I wouldn't call it day dreaming for my mind is not even thinking about anything. Just an empty patch of bubbles floating around the mind. There ain't no even fucking bubbles! It is just -silence-.
I snap at everyone. Everyone. I cannot believe that I nearly lose my cool when speaking to the doctor and the probation officer. My patience is running real thin. As in super duper thin. A film of cling wrap thin.
I know I got to pick myself up for there ain't no one else who can help. I pick up my life cards, shuffled them and leave them in a mess again. I just can't seem to stop giving myself excuses. I'll deal the cards tomorrow. I'll deal the cards tomorrow. And that "tomorrow" just never comes.
I thought things would be nice if I could blame the whole world. But what's there to blame? If it was to be anyone, it would be no one but me.
I happen to be the one who is in control of my own mood. So fuck it, I thought. Take one last look at the liquor in front of me, down it in neat and swallow all the fucking sorrows. Great. I thought songs always sing that "you can drown your sorrows". Fucking stupid and untrue. How can you drown anything off when you are suffering from a throbbing migraine from all that drinking?! Or maybe that is the whole point. To divert your attention. But don't they know a girl can multi task?!
Feel like murdering everyone now. Then the news came out. 20 people went around slashing people. Cool. Another murder case is happening. Where's the security that Singapore uses to have? Gone?! Now what. After slashing people and all then what do they want to do? Do a group suicide? Oh no, that had been done before.
I want my Baby back. Feel like going over to office to fetch Baby back. It's been long since I felt her fur by my naked skin. Baby, Baby, the only love of my life.
Shall do more alcohol intoxication. As if. I rather inject myself with doses of Endorphines than get a motherfucking headache.
Am way smarter than to treat myself with treats of misery. I will go happy.
In fact, this whole entry is crap. I am happy. I am funny. I am a clown - that hides behind the tears of the mask. Nevertheless, still a funny clown.
Laugh at me. As if I fucking give a hell what you assholes think.
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay