Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
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Monday, October 10, 2011
A Blow Right Back
Right. So I was doing my own stuff, minding my own business when I decided to surf the online blog. In fact, I believe I did mention it in my previous posts that I do read a particular blog. And hell, only her blog caught me captivated for so long. It was Xiaxue.
Not reading for more than half a year now, I just thought that might as well see what people's life up to, since I have nothing to do and that book in my room have been flipped through so many times that the poor papers are as worn out as some ancient-silverfish-infested ones. Seriously.
Surprise, surprise, surprise. I didn't have to back date her entries but I did. AND I just had to see that she labelled me a "SLUT".
Right. Miss Cheng, since when did I stepped on your tails? Look, I never did offend anyone, well, only some of those whom deserves it, but I always treat people with geniune care, sincerity and honesty. Only when people disregard my kind intentions, only would I turn nasty.
An eye for an eye. That's the way I work. I didn't expect you nor anyone whom I had interacted with to make the first move. I always initiate and show the examples/lain the carpets, howwever you want to call it.
I am a person of principals and I STAY BY IT STRICTLY. I really do not recall having to be rude to either you, or your group of friends (Gillian, Rozz and Shan?). I don't deserve to be called a slut from you.
Told you I was right when I said that I believed that I my bluntness might have ignite some sparks but all I can say that it's of no harm.
Sheesh. To think I thought you were nice. Guess inner beauty does show on the face, huh.
Regretfully (and I am really, really sad to have to say this), I am blessed with the skin, the looks and the height to go out with just a pair of cosmetic contact lenses.
You know, it kind of *hurts*(how do you explain the little wrench you feel when you see a person dies?) when the person whom you thought as a "friend" turns out to be a hypocrite. Nope, you're not one. You aired yourself clear and well. Perhaps, a friend, I should never pressume you will be.
Slut, as you labelled me, nonetheless, happier off than you. =D
Are you ready for me?
I am just sitting in my room and reading old posts that I had posted way back in those postage stamp days (okay, that's a FAIL attempt of a pun but I think it's rather funny).
Anyway, look at the fucking transformation. From a sunshine-happy-go-lucky-live-for-today-who-cares-about-tomorrow-optimistic-insane girl to a worried-sick-mother-hen old hag. It must be the age thing, huh! To think that I always say, "YOUNG AT HEART, HEART AT MIND!"
Time creeps up on you, twine it's tentacles around the pendulum swings. By the time you realize that things aren't the same anymore, it's probably strangling around your throat, holding you by the toes and hanging you over the cliff. It's that scary! I never did realize the change in me, other than the obvious - boobs, height and HAIRS' LENGTH (bloody hell! While my sisters' hairs' grow like a mad bush, mine takes it's own sweet time into developing and inching out from my scalp!) until today.
THEN I started flipping those old love letters (oops, sorry, Mr G. B. I sneakily kept some when you demanded the "past to be thrown away"). I tell you, TYRANT, am I!
It seems like I am the one breaking the mens' heart. It's not that I have drop-dead looks neither do I have figure that kills nor eyes that melts. Maybe, I just have *french chef hand sign when saying, "PERFECTO!"* -deep,mysterious and sexy voice- charisma. Or just that my 人缘is superb.
I always feel bad when I have to reject people (damn thick skinned, I know but can't help flaunting). I mean, those poor guys, they weren't at fault.
*Insert eerie forest silence with cricket chirps*
Let's just say I such a bad girlfriend that they will never ever, EVER date another girl again.
Okay, INTERACTIVE TIME! On a date with me, what would you expect?
Me: Eh. Where were you yesterday?! Why didn't you call?! Don't you know I waited the whole day for you?!
Boyfriend: I was.....
- Cuts in rudely and snap -
Me: I were, sir! This is a formal conversation because I am very not happy with you and your disappearing act! So don't "was" me!
Me: No "if's", "and's","but's" or any other explanations! You never call means never call! Fact is that YOU NEVER CALL!
Me: *Sigh* I don't want to talk anymore. The time allocated for talking is over. Now it's time to read. Don't disturb me. Bye!
And you think that a phone call with me would be nice and romantic? Hahahaha. Lol. NEVER! I HATE TALKING ON PHONES (people, now you know, so don't call me. Message.). My monthly mobile bills for talk time barely hits an hour. I don't even know why I chose "free incoming calls" instead of "messages" when I use the latter much more.
Alright, now back to main topic. Thing is that, I have already forseen how my life is going to turn out to be, my path lain and decorated in linings of colors.... I.... I...
Sigh. Sad to say this but my mouth is super, duper unkind, noxious and nasty. Downright spiteful person I am and I ALWAYS GET EVEN.
In times of quarrels and squabbles, you've a stomach for tolerance if you don't tear your hairs off by the 5th minute or attempting sucide.
A pen is stronger than a sword. Mine just comes in another form. Very much like vapour, water and oxygen. Same thing, different means.
I never mean all those nasty things I say. But I can't help it as much as I try to control myself! I tried holding back, counting down, think back on those good times but when anger hits, it shoots like a bullet. Wham, bham! Then I'd be spewing venomous words, with the concoction of pure sarcasm in the air and wrapping up with a cold shoulder.
It's like I become another person. I lose control. I become Miss-Considerate no more. But like a hurricane, it subsides just as fast. Told you I get even. I need to GET EVEN.TO VENT! Then I'd be perfectly fine. If you don't let me get air my lungs, I'd probably bubble up and fizzle and then BURST!
But that's really me. I have scared a lot of guys away in my life. Yes, I learnt not to be so obstinate and stubborn. But still, the foul and brutal mouth stays.
Something that I love to hate and I hate to love! Can't decide if it is for the better or for the worse. Hahahaha! Guess that me, for you. Can never make up my mind and never make decisions. Not even when it comes to food, colors or toys.
I WANT TO BE 18 AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, October 7, 2011
Starcruises - Star Virgo
Starcruised with my folks and I am back. Happier, more cheerful and ultimately optimistic. Not a very good thing, is it?
Hahaha, anyway, the vessel went to Penang via the Straits of Malacca and then to Thailand. Had a little shopping done in Penang. Surprisingly, I loved Penang. The slower pace of life and all that electricity and water bills subsides are helpful, when it comes to poor me. Hahaha.
Didn't get any clothes, nor shoes (my very big vice) - because my CUPBOARD'S CLOTHES COULD BARELY MOVE AND THEY ARE BURSTING ALREADY! Not to mention my shoe rack (2 some more! One at home and another from Portsdown Road house!), brimming and spilling all over the place with those bulky-pageant-6-inch heels and boots which I barely wear, 6 pairs of slippers/wedges (when I only wear one particular pair until it's so worn out before I change) and many other heels along with the collection of crystal-studded-elegant-like-hell heels.
How to shop for the next 50 years? I have a HUGE box of stockings! Can't get more stockings, leggings and tights. No more space! I feel so confined in my room!
Anyway, the trip is TERRIBLE. Other than sleep, I hardly moved an inch. Like a giant panda.....
It's a mad man's rush and the docking time on both the islands are so short that we have no time to even snap pictures. Given a HUMONGOUS shopping centre an hour and three quarters to shop? What the hell!
Plus I chose sleeping over Phuket shopping and I didn't go down the vessel when my parents and sister went, hence, IT'S JUST BORING, BORING AND BORING.
No internet, no books, no reading, just a stupid television which shows bloody good shows (lucky!).
Normally, I'd be taking sceneries but having to show you the below pictures, you can imagine how bored I am. Maybe the most fun thing is that on the second night, it started raining cats and dogs and the ship tilted to one side! Waves crashing against the lower deck like angry wolves, and it was tearing the ocean and I got so freaked out, I just hid under the blankets.
My sister and mom, both skinny like nobody's business, were outside and the wind was howling (practically) and I was afraid they'll be blown away! Scary trip but fun!
Spooky encounters too. But I don't want to remember it so I am not blogging it down.
Spooky time! The cabin we were in had doors opening by itself. First evening, I didn't go for dinner buffet and stayed in the room. Saw something white fell and rolled underneath the bed. I was too cowardice to look down. Tumbled into my comfort corner and slept.
Second time, my sister and mom was sleeping and the door opened. The door, for information, is rather heavy and it'll lock automatically. Mom saw a shadow passed our door. I tell you, that night I could sleep a wink. Paranoid or spooked? You're the judge.
Anyway, HAPPY THAT I AM BACK! Man, how long was I gone for (as in literally zonked out into space!!)
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay