Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
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Monday, October 10, 2011
Are you ready for me?
I am just sitting in my room and reading old posts that I had posted way back in those postage stamp days (okay, that's a FAIL attempt of a pun but I think it's rather funny).
Anyway, look at the fucking transformation. From a sunshine-happy-go-lucky-live-for-today-who-cares-about-tomorrow-optimistic-insane girl to a worried-sick-mother-hen old hag. It must be the age thing, huh! To think that I always say, "YOUNG AT HEART, HEART AT MIND!"
Time creeps up on you, twine it's tentacles around the pendulum swings. By the time you realize that things aren't the same anymore, it's probably strangling around your throat, holding you by the toes and hanging you over the cliff. It's that scary! I never did realize the change in me, other than the obvious - boobs, height and HAIRS' LENGTH (bloody hell! While my sisters' hairs' grow like a mad bush, mine takes it's own sweet time into developing and inching out from my scalp!) until today.
THEN I started flipping those old love letters (oops, sorry, Mr G. B. I sneakily kept some when you demanded the "past to be thrown away"). I tell you, TYRANT, am I!
It seems like I am the one breaking the mens' heart. It's not that I have drop-dead looks neither do I have figure that kills nor eyes that melts. Maybe, I just have *french chef hand sign when saying, "PERFECTO!"* -deep,mysterious and sexy voice- charisma. Or just that my 人缘is superb.
I always feel bad when I have to reject people (damn thick skinned, I know but can't help flaunting). I mean, those poor guys, they weren't at fault.
*Insert eerie forest silence with cricket chirps*
Let's just say I such a bad girlfriend that they will never ever, EVER date another girl again.
Okay, INTERACTIVE TIME! On a date with me, what would you expect?
Me: Eh. Where were you yesterday?! Why didn't you call?! Don't you know I waited the whole day for you?!
Boyfriend: I was.....
- Cuts in rudely and snap -
Me: I were, sir! This is a formal conversation because I am very not happy with you and your disappearing act! So don't "was" me!
Me: No "if's", "and's","but's" or any other explanations! You never call means never call! Fact is that YOU NEVER CALL!
Me: *Sigh* I don't want to talk anymore. The time allocated for talking is over. Now it's time to read. Don't disturb me. Bye!
And you think that a phone call with me would be nice and romantic? Hahahaha. Lol. NEVER! I HATE TALKING ON PHONES (people, now you know, so don't call me. Message.). My monthly mobile bills for talk time barely hits an hour. I don't even know why I chose "free incoming calls" instead of "messages" when I use the latter much more.
Alright, now back to main topic. Thing is that, I have already forseen how my life is going to turn out to be, my path lain and decorated in linings of colors.... I.... I...
Sigh. Sad to say this but my mouth is super, duper unkind, noxious and nasty. Downright spiteful person I am and I ALWAYS GET EVEN.
In times of quarrels and squabbles, you've a stomach for tolerance if you don't tear your hairs off by the 5th minute or attempting sucide.
A pen is stronger than a sword. Mine just comes in another form. Very much like vapour, water and oxygen. Same thing, different means.
I never mean all those nasty things I say. But I can't help it as much as I try to control myself! I tried holding back, counting down, think back on those good times but when anger hits, it shoots like a bullet. Wham, bham! Then I'd be spewing venomous words, with the concoction of pure sarcasm in the air and wrapping up with a cold shoulder.
It's like I become another person. I lose control. I become Miss-Considerate no more. But like a hurricane, it subsides just as fast. Told you I get even. I need to GET EVEN.TO VENT! Then I'd be perfectly fine. If you don't let me get air my lungs, I'd probably bubble up and fizzle and then BURST!
But that's really me. I have scared a lot of guys away in my life. Yes, I learnt not to be so obstinate and stubborn. But still, the foul and brutal mouth stays.
Something that I love to hate and I hate to love! Can't decide if it is for the better or for the worse. Hahahaha! Guess that me, for you. Can never make up my mind and never make decisions. Not even when it comes to food, colors or toys.
I WANT TO BE 18 AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay