Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
My Social Networking Links
My Facebook **hint hint - add me**
The Only One And Best Exotic Dance School In Singapore
My Ultimate Shopping Heaven
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Jekyll and Hyde
Jekyll and Hyde. Whoever still hear of this classic story? Sigh, kids nowadays are all into electronic stuffs and most forget the good old past time - reading. Is that book by Charles Dickens? No, I think Charles Dickens wrote "Oliver Twist" and "Great Expectations". Oh, and, "A Christmas Carol"..... or called, "Nightmare Before Christmas"..... I forgot! But, oh well! Doesn't matter anyway.
My blog is, perpetually, depressive! Damn. I do self-reflection on life every now and then to keep my objectives and goals in sight, okay! I totally don't look like the type who would be nice, but I AM. But that's none of your business too. Cranky huh, the way I sound. I think age is catching up, faster than ever, on me.
TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD IS SUPPOSE TO BE A WOMAN'S PRIME AGE - WHEN SHE GOES ON DATES, CLUBS TILL THE SKY'S LIGHT, GET WASTED AND not sitting down with piles of notes to read and feeling contented with life.
WHERE IS MY LIFE?!?! I used to find thrill in shopping till I drop flat dead (or bare-footed, if my feet were lucky) and give them all away. I know it's funny but I love to see people smile.
You probably had conjure a picture of my public persona from the depressive, angry posts that I wrote. Touching my heart and being perfectly honest, I asked myself this... Why am I here.
I had too much of a logical mind. My logical mind, which I used to protect all my love ones, ended up hurting them. Why?! Am I a devil or am I a saint? A part of me want people to get away from me so that they would not be disappointed (I am a huge disappointment - I suppose) in me. A part of me wants them to be AWAY so that I can, selfishly, ease the karma that's coming to me.
I find joy in helping people. But is my help geniuely out of goodwill? Or do I have an agenda? I'm torn between selfless and selfish. Lying to myself that I am a saint? Or escaping the reality of that I'm a fragile piece of meat? What is the real me like?
One moment, I love chocolates. I could gorge myself to death with them and the next minute, I detest the innocent cocoa.
My life is like just a computated routine. Wake up, do whatever stuff I have to do to keep myself busy and EAT CEREALS (God! I can't emphasize enough how much I love those "Post Select Great Grains" cereal! Try all the flavours! *I AM SUPER HYPER AT THE THOUGHT OF IT NOW, THOUGH IT IS LIKE 2.30 IN THE MORNING*) and then sleep.
It's going like a merry-go-round in my head now. If you were here, you'll see a sour face, one eyebrow raised (yes, I can do the "THE ROCK" - the wrestler - look), and eyeballs flipped white and staring into space. I mean, I don't want to be all "emo" (I hate those act "emo" people and I seriously have a thing with them) but I am being one! Damn! I know there's got to be more to life than this! There's got to be more to everything I thought exist. But, everyday the same old routine, only one goal in mind, is leeching the life out of me!
To provide a comfortable place for Baby. To save up enough to buy a house where I can HOUSE HER OFFICIALLY and MAKE HER MINE (and MINE ALONE!). She is my responsibility since the day she looked at me in the eye and plead me to get her out of the shop owner's cage. She is all I've got and all I ever wanted. All I want is to escape into somewhere where I could let her run free, bully me like hell, scratch me, chew my clothes when I am changing, let her sleep on my bed with me, wait by the door for me to be home.... I want to provide the best for her. She deserves nothing but the best treatment, pamper and love.
I don't care if I am allergic to dogs' fur or what. I don't mind inhaling tons of fur and make my lungs inflate and suffocate because of the fur. I don't even care if I starve to death, as long as I can take her out AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
I don't want anything in my life. I only asked for one thing. To have Baby by my side. My life is incomplete without that mutt. Without that fur ball, I would probably crumpled to nothing, die and rot away or something.
But it seems like I am doing more harm than good. My intention was to save a puppy from the "potential" evil treatments, but, knowing I can't provide her her basic needs, I went ahead. Reckless? Impulse? Well, half (or entire) my life's decisions are act of impulsion. Impulse and like a freshly lit matchstick, I burst out with enthusiasm and sizzle to ashes in split seconds (What's your record? The longest I had kept a match lit was 2 seconds) and then it'll be back to square one - emptiness and the hunger for more interesting challenges (like different facaulties or fields of expertise) and, again, "once aquired, boredom kicks in and I'll be done with it".
But loyal as my Baby, I stick through - thick and thin - over the mountains and under the seas - all obstacles for those that I feel in-debt to. My loyalty is stronger than the roots of a thousand-year-old tree and intertwined with my stubborness and refusal to budge when it comes to making changes in my life, I am a trusted friend and a faithful companion.
I was in a dilemma when I wrote the post, but now I had ironed out all my thoughts, I think, it doesn't matter whether I am a devil or an angel. All I need to know is that I love Baby and I want to give Baby the life that she would loved to have - the best of the best.
That's all I NEED to know.
Now that I got my goal/objective/aim back in life, I can turn in and retire for the night....
zzzZZzzzzzzzzzz LOVES zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Autrocity of Some People
You know the largest disappointment in life is that the person whom you tried to care and be nice to, or even trusted, becomes the worst of characters that you feared.
I stopped pining and hoping, wishing for the good, pure and old "kampong' style way of living since a million years ago.
I may seem really mean in my blog, more than a little screws' loose up in my head but I am really nice when I am nice.
Extremities, think of extremities.
I hate it when people take goodwill for granted. I was trying to be nice. Hey, did it ever occur to you that THERE IS SOMEONE GENUINE? Guess not, you have to try the waters and push my patience over the limit.
Same goes for most people I have met. Damn, do I have, or do I have a lot of bad luck?
It's tiring to put trust in a relationship, then got flipped on-by and start again. When I really stopped pining or seeing any hope, I meant it and my heart just shuts off.
Being in Singapore... Should I say it? Fuck it, decide to shoot whatever I feel out. Singapore, we are lucky. We don't get hell-load of crimes, we don't see murder everyday, we don't see that WE ARE FORTUNATE! This only lead to complacency and taking things for granted is not something that I would be proud of. I am thankful to every thing in life, people around me and even the fact that I am here living (though I may be seriously sick of it).
What happens to the little things in life that sparks off excitement and joy in the earlier days? Seems like everything is so "technological" that WE even lost the need to speak. Languages can now officially be extinct.
There I go again with all my pessimistic words and thoughts. I think my blog is more than gloomy enough and SHOULD DO BETTER WITH THOSE SOUR FEELINGS.
I am not like that, in real life. Well, if you see me on street and I am really cold towards you, that's once in a blue moon's moon swings. Normally, you'll see me with a HUGE SMILE and sunshine attitude, plus a lot of blur-ness.
Reason why I said I am blur is that I think it's hereditary. My grandmother to my mom and my sisters. Insanely naive and ultimate blur. I forgot my wallet while going to a shoot one day and the taxi I was on, had a Mr Nice uncle. The uncle recognized me and I was desperately trying to look for people to save me. I had no money and was late for my appointment and I HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO!
I nearly dug a hole and bury myself. It was embarrassing. He was so nice, THANK YOU COMFORT CABS, and he said I could transfer him the money, no problem. But THAT DOESN'T SOLVE MY PROBLEM... How to go home later?
And I always forget to ask things like whether people wants to eat kway teow or bee hoon or whether they wants chilli or not or white chicken or roasted ones or with pearls or without pearls?
Then my panic button would HIT A SUPER HIGH AND FREAK OUT. Then you'll expect a big goon to stand in the middle of the road/shopping mall/hawker (and it's really FREEZE-IMMEDIATE-HALT kind of "stand") and a plastered "puzzled" look on my face then fumbling into my "endless-hole-every-thing-also-have-like-doramon" big bag and take (lifesaver!) mobile phone out, while obstructing the road and hogging up queues and blocking traffics, earning large stares and STILL OBLIVIOUS. By the time I come to senses, it's always too late... Major accidents have happened.
So I am lucky I have no driving license. Or the pedestrains and road-users are lucky. For, I am an enormous road hazard. Think it's chauffeuring for my whole life!
Aren't I lucky?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Have You Ever?
Have you ever...
I WAS thinking to myself today, a lot of random thoughts and suddenly, I had this urge to play SPIN-THE-(IMAGINARY)-BOTTLE! Except that, sadly, I am playing alone with mirrors all around. AND A CANDLE IN THE MIDDLE. Come to think of it, it was super creepy - if anyone were to see me doing that.... Hunched over a candle, with me talking to myself and answering myself. Damn. I think I am one of those crazy freaks you see on television. Like "Art of Curse" or something like that.
Maybe I do know how to do voo-doo and have a flare for it! Perhaps, I could look further into that expertise! WHAHAHAHA.
Okay, I am bonking off the rooftop again.
Back to spinning the bottle, I had to answer myself, random questions from "True or Dare" to "Have you ever" to "I spy with my little eye". I LOOK AND SOUND DAMN STUPID HERE, I KNOW, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I think I am getting old and it's scary! The older you get, the more mature YOU BECOME AND LIKE IT'S NOT ENOUGH, THE MORE INSECURE YOU GET!
I am.... really a fuck head now, aren't I.
Just joking! Why would I become one? I am just too in love with myself and today something really sweet happened. Which is why I am blogging - IN THE FIRST PLACE (I always mark those mood swings - either happiness or anger or sadness because the rest of my life is nothing but BORING!).
But funny, how EVERY DATE that have ME turns out to be always a memorable one. Not fun, not exactly the best but always the one you would remember (I quoted this from my "Have you ever"). Good or bad, it doesn't matter - not now, at least. BECAUSE, A DATE WITH ME WOULD EITHER TURN YOUR BELLY UPSIDE-DOWN or EARN ME A SLAP IN THE FACE.
I am THAT much of an extremist! Always hanging at the both ends of the pole. *TSK TSK - YOUNG LADY!*
I AM MAKING MYSELF LAUGH! MY LIFE IS COULD BE DESCRIBED WITH, "TOTALLY SOAP-OPERA-DRAMA-MAMA" LIFESTYLE!
Trust me - not only clumsy, accident-prone AND two left feet - but a clown with a huge red nose and enormous shiny boots (like Ronald Macdonalds - bet the younger generations never heard of him). YES! AND I WAS TELLING MY FRIEND HOW I MISSED THOSE OLD-SCHOOL FUNFAIRS WITH COTTON CANDIES AND POPCORNS AND FUN FAIR RIDES WITH SHOOTING GUNS/HOOK THE FISH!
KIDS NOWADAYS ONLY KNOW COMPUTER, WII-FII, PLAYSTATION (OUT-DATED ME, DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THE MOST "IN" BOX), OR THE TAMAGOCHII AND..... -EMPTY MIND WITH FLIES FLYING ABOUT- WHATEVER ELECTRONICAL DEVICES.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THOSE OLD FASHIONED NECKING, THE DRIVE-THROUGH CINEMAS AND HOLDING HANDS WHILE HOOKING THOSE *STUPIDLY, INSANELY SMALL* FISHES?
Die..... Though I am 21, I feel like I am worse than an old granny of age 65. HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?!?!?!??!?!?
Monday, November 7, 2011
These are my collection of clothes from wholesale-dress.net. And they are only like 0.00001% of the clothes I bought there! I mean, come on! It's goddamnit cheap and quality is not bad, so I spurge and spurge and buy and buy until MY WHOLE FREAKING CUPBOARD'S ABOUT TO BURST AND THERE ARE SO MANY UNOPENED BOXES OF CLOTHES.
(>.<"") Don't ever trust me on any money saving tips. I'll probably drag you down with me. Haha.
But I just can't help spending on pretty stuffs. And those nighties. -Faints-
Once Upon A Time...
How nice if fairytales were to come true. But if you have no fairytales that you wish would come true, then create your own!
This is what My Video Talk is all about! It is the easiest thing to use! Now, creating a webpage is so much easier. Just click and add on anything you like! Try it!
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay