Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
My Social Networking Links
My Facebook **hint hint - add me**
The Only One And Best Exotic Dance School In Singapore
My Ultimate Shopping Heaven
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Teaching Old Dogs New Tricks
Know what people? Today, only today, out of the blue, I started to do everything using my left hand. Now I am training up my left hand to be as agile as my right. SMS on iPhone using the left hand, make coffee using the left hand and carry my everyday handbag on my left shoulder.
I am kind of weird in the sense that I must make both sides balance out. Whenever I exercise, I would make sure that both sides of my body are doing identical stuffs, same repetitions, same weights. But 23 years of my life I have been using my right hand to write. And subconsciously, doing things like carrying shopping bags, signing of autographs, noting numbers and so on.
Somehow, out of the blue, I started to use my left hand today! Living as a right hander for 23 years, I have gotten so used to doing everything with my right hand. But today, without me having to remind myself, my subconscious is doing it with my left hand. It just comes so naturally. I believe it is god sent! Hahaha!
Things don't just happen like that. I really believe that there's someone out there who can read my thoughts and know what I want. Why, you might wonder.. This is why...
Just yesterday, I was thinking to myself that all has been learnt, all has been done. I have completed childhood and adulthood by the age of 23. Tried being a pauper and tried being in the life of the rich. Scrimped and saved any penny that I have to spending money like I have loads of it. Two extreme ends of the world - I have been through. It's no surprise that I find life boring.
Today, I ate up all my words. A WHOLE NEW FUCKING WORLD OPENED UP TO ME. Now I am given this challenge to learn everything with my left hand. With the aided help of my subconscious training, I am doing well.
Is it freaky or what - That my thoughts are being answered to. That my thoughts are being shown to and challenged.
I think the person behind it all don't want me to have such thoughts. Maybe to him or her (I prefer a 'her' because the world is created by females like Nv Wa - the lady who made living men using clay and the techno song 'god is a girl', plus only a female would be so attentive to someone's thoughts) life is suppose to be full of surprises. Of endless learning and fun things to do. I kind of am influenced by what she opened up to me. I went with the flow and now I'm brimming with delightful happiness. I love to learn new things. I love to learn. I am keen for all sort of knowledge and skills. I am greedy. I want to be, not only Jack of all trades, but Master of all trades. I want to perfect my skills in every single area possible. That is how greedy I am.
Today, I learnt that I am only half way there. Do I know anything about Information Technology? No! Do I know anything about astronauts and satellite? No! Do I know anything about space and beyond? The stars (by the way, the sun is a star. Just a random fun fact) and it's influence and beliefs related to horoscopes? No.
This is what "she" showed me. And the fact that I have to start using my left hand.
I first started to lie about me being ambidexterity when being compared to the flower of my Primary school. The famous pretty flower's name is Daphne Ng Yan Qi. See? I can still remember! Hahahaha. She could write with both her left and her right hand. Ambidexterity in the world is in the ratio of one is to a hundred. How rare is that?!?! Skilled and pretty, she is! Her name is unique too! Sounds so lady like. And till date, she's still a babe. How can I lose out to her?!?!?! Okay, this is my confession. When I notice skills or traits or characters in a person and I don't have it, I would secretly learn it or copy it. This is my little sneaky secret. I love to compare myself to others. When I see some good in others, I would have the urge to want to be like them too. So, I would develop the skills or character traits in some way or another in my growing up stages of life. Back to before confessions. So, knowing that I have competition, I lied about being able to write with both hands too. While she humbly showed me her writing in left hand (and it fucking is the same neatness and tidiness to the right!), I too, tried to write with my left hand..... Mine was like an adult's signature. A drawing of some sort. You can't tell. For her, it comes so naturally. And very neat. Same font and font size as to that of the other hand. Mine is worlds apart. I came up with the excuse of that I hadn't been training my lefty for long and ended the conversation. Since then, at every chance I get, I would use my left hand to write. Now I can write neatly in numbers. Alphabets........ That has to wait. Still in the midst of training.
Now I know I have said things that aren't true. But what is special about me is that, knowing that the things I said aren't true, I would try my best to make them true. It's like throwing out targets and aims to achieve. When I say the things I said, I would strive towards it. Unlike some immature people who would treat it as a one-time-only lie and brush it off. No, I won't. I would work towards making the lie a truth. This is me. And this is my secret to continuous learning.
Interesting right? How my life changed and opened up. Now I used more of my left hand instead of my right.
Hahaha. About the above point, "making a lie become a truth", I have a lot to say about that. I lied about a lot of things because I'm too much of an underachiever. I have very, very high standards to my way of life. Studies got to be perfectly straight A's, like my elder sister. Sports got to be nothing but super skilled at it. Assignments passed down to me must be only handed back with nothing but perfection. Tasks assigned to me are handed back with only customers' satisfaction. I am the kind who expects nothing but the best. The perfect. Anything lower than perfect, I would rather not start at all. I once helped a friend build up his website for his business. I worked hard for 5 days straight. No rest at all. Aching back and sore neck, no sleep and no water. Reading manuals on how to use Dreamweaver software and pages of instructions and endless trials-and-errors. What do you think is the pay back of these free work and effort? Thousand bucks? Nah! It's a satisfied and grateful smile I got in return and it makes everything worth while. Since then, I created another career path for myself. As a designer. Designer of any sort. I can do it out on papers. Don't ask me to do it out using photoshop or some other picture enhancing software. I can do it, provided if I am given the time to read up on manuals and do lots of testing. I can do it. But I rather the old traditional way. Design using drawing blocks and colored pencils. Then think of a way to put it into pictures.
I treat all software like games. Architecture software used by engineers to see things in 3D graphics are no problem for me. While gamers get used to any type of games (with or without reading instructions) by trying out and testing, I'll do the same too. Hand me a manual and you'll see a little Matilda (book by Roald Dahl). If no manuals were being passed down, then give me an hour or two in the seat with the program. Some way or another, I'll figure out how to use it.
I love to figure things out. Like reading detective books, I love to join in the fun and figure it out along the way. Most of the time I am wrong and would be surprised and in awe about how deeply the authors write and think about, almost every single minute details that I may have missed and the twist and turns of the story... I tell you, intellectual and smart people never fails to impress me. I love these categories of people to death! That's how much I love smarty pants. Hence, to all the suitors out there, please look at your own knowledge before wooing me. I am sick and tired of being caught in conversations that are useless and a waste of time. I love people to fascinate me. To bring me into a world where wonders and endless knowledge is. Not to some stupid people (tee hee! Which is why IT Guy's sperms are so precious to me! He have high IQ and EQ and he never fails to tell me about so many things that are not known to me) that thinks the world of themselves - example my latest Internet friend.
Logic IQ books and IQ assessment books were only out in my year of PSLE. I have no idea why. Popular no longer sells those IQ questions assessment workbooks after my PSLE year which is in the year of 2002. Maybe kids nowadays are smarter due to the "plus DHA" milk powders that they drink and tricky IQ questions are so common that it's no longer classified under "special" anymore. It may just be as common as any other mathematics questions.
I can remember the bright orange assessment book though. All the IQ mathematics questions made me happy like heaven! I was in the world of wonders when doing them. IQ's are always related to mathematics. Why? Nevertheless, I am so happy when I get challenges. In Mathematics Olympia Class, we learnt that no mathematics questions are unsolvable. Every single question can be either solved by number patterns or formulas. And we are challenged to come up with our own questions and formulas as homework.
NOW, DO YOU SINGAPOREANS/FOREIGNERS/CITIZENS-OF-SOME-NINCOMPOOP-COUNTRY THINKS THAT I AM AN IDIOT? DO YOU STILL THINK I SPEAK BAD ENGLISH? Fuck. I have to admit. I can speak well in front of people and converse perfectly in Mandarin, English or Hokkien but when dealing with cameras and camcorders, I would stammer and my focus, attention and all would be on the lens. Too much focusing on any objects can lead to no thoughts. I can even forget what the interviewer asked. Most of the time I just smoke through and all. Guess I need more training than that.
I realized that my IQ is comparable to Xiaxue's! I took Mensa IQ test too and I got a result of 165. I think I once read in Xiaxue's blog that her IQ is 160. Tee hee. I bet that changed the perception of neighborhood schools students. Hahahaha.
I wasn't given a chance to join the Genius Class in Primary school. 40 students out of the whole Singapore Primary 5 students were chosen only. I wasn't even in the list of students who gets to try out for the special class. I heard that their way of teaching is by bring fun and facts and observations that one wouldn't notice into their lessons. I had a tuition mate who got into the genius class and everyday after school, they have to go to another school (think it's Nanyang Primary School) to have their advanced lessons. I wasn't chosen but I have updates on what they are learning and I secretly self-learn it myself! They are normally 2 chapters ahead of other students. The rate that they go at is relatively slow to me. They didn't rush into anything. It's not like English whereby understanding have to be there (I lost at this point due to the fact that I don't read as much as my elder sister does) as it comprises everything. Now I understand! Funny right, it's like so out-of-the-blue that I exclaim it. But I realize why my teacher did not opt for me to go for the try outs for the genius class - MY ENGLISH AND CHINESE UNDERSTANDING IS NOT UP TO STANDARD.
I cannot blame them. Let's not compare to people like English literature teachers or professors. Says my elder sister for example. Our house still have evidences of her comprehension worksheet answers in perfect handwriting and the only red marks are ticks at the end of her answers.
Mine..... Red ink every where. Lack of explanation and understanding. This had to do with reading, right? I mean, please! We drank the same brand of milk powder, except that she was breastfed a while and as a baby, she got sick of it and refused my Mother's breast milk (LAUGHING OUT REALLY LOUD! SO CHOOSY AS A CHILD! NO WONDER SHE IS STILL AS THIN AS A STICK! BECAUSE SHE IS CHOOSY AT FOOD UP TILL THIS AGE! SHE EATS NOTHING BUT THE HEALTHIEST AND SHE GOT THIS BOOK, 'WHY FRENCH WOMEN NEVER GET FAT' AND I BET SHE LIVES HER LIFE BY IT - WORD FOR WORD) and started to drink baby milk powder. I preferred chocolate flavor while she sticks to vanilla. Damn it man! As I write, my self actualization got more intense. Now, I discovered another fact to why I am so addicted to sweet stuff while that perfect sister of mine can stick to olive oil. Damn it.
The more I write, the more I want to say that she should be in my shoes. She have whatever it takes to be a beauty queen. Natural high metabolism whereas I work out like fuck to get in shape. She have the poise of a model, straight back and all when all I do is hunch because my friends are too short and the fact that I dislike bras make me inferior. She has sharp features like my Mom's. Sharp nose. Always get compliment-comments like, "Did you go under the knife before? Your nose is so perfectly sharp and prominent". She looks exactly like my mom in her Identification Card, comparing side by side to my mother's old Identification Card. Both of them were about 16-18 years old then. The two pictures put side by side, is exactly the same! We all now knows how my elder sister would look like when she grows old! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. As stern and strict faced like my mother! Thank goodness for the fact that me and my younger sister took after my Dad's! Hahaha.
Don't play play okay! My mom was approached by modelling agencies when she was young. Wanted to fly her abroad and start her career overseas. But my grandfather (who used to own a gun) is so strict and all six children were very afraid of him. In their younger days where they lived in Kampongs, my grandfather would come home drunk, and upon hearing his lorry drives home, the kids would scatter themselves in the jungles and hide. My mom's actual story.This is how scary my grandfather is. And clothes for women cannot bare anything at all! The first two children went to Chinese school. It was before English schools became popular then. My mom is the second child, so she speaks good Mandarin. Only my third auntie have the guts to pursue her dreams. She became an air stewardess. My mom said that grandfather was not really strict when they turned into adults and looking for jobs. I pictured him wrongly, thinking that he would probably kill my third auntie for going into such complicated jobs. But it was my mom's fault that she didn't take up the deal of modelling. To have her career overseas and all. To live in a life full of glamour and shining bright spotlights. My grandfather is pretty open minded when it comes to jobs. Well, I guess getting his daughters to dress conservatively had nothing to do with the acceptance of jobs that his descendants have chosen. My mom was the one who dare not stepped into the industry as it was known to be complicated. She would be in the same batch of celebrities as Zoe Tay and Fann Wong. My mom have this picture that looks like "Bobo" - a wicked women Zoe Tay acted as in one of the drama shows in the early times. Before I was born as I have no recollection of the show.
My elder sister is a hot babe. Guys would always turn their heads to take a second glance at her. Trust me. I am always in the shadow. Don't get me wrong, I love being beside her. A lot of psychology research shows that the sister who is in the shadow may become more inferior and distant from the public but not me. I am always outspoken and not shy DUE to my special mindset. I do not feel inferior or bad about myself. Instead, my focus was on the fact that I am proud of my elder sister! Unlike my younger sister, whereby she would come home and complains about being known to the school's seniors and teachers as, "Eileen's younger sister" instead of her name, I would proudly tell everyone that I am Eileen's sister! Look at how this simple differences in perspectives have shown and proved one's character and how she feels about others and herself. My younger sister, luckily, didn't get any problems with inferiority. In fact, she is the most independent woman in the house. She can go swimming by herself whereas I have to learn from her and bring myself to go swimming alone. Me and my elder sister are dependent on another party... Well, mostly.... Pisces and Geminis are best friends. Moreover, we sleep together too. It's like nights and nights of endless chats. Elder sister is the chatty one. I am the listener. Self actualization: I never share much about my life, my feelings, my thoughts, my circle of friends..... Even now. I only share knowledge and fun facts. AND I AM OPENING MYSELF TO YOU GUYS BY TELLING YOU MY SWEET CHILDHOOD! Anyway, like a machine gun, she would keep telling me secrets and all. SHE was the one who uses IRC (or is that ICQ?) chat rooms and I tried to sign in once but finds it too boring for me. SHE was the one who use the computer the whole day. I don't even know how to make use of search engines then. It was in school that I learn how to use "Hooligans" - a search engine. I wasn't exposed to as much things as her. I know it's irritating having to constantly compare myself to her but I find it so intriguing that she is much smarter than me (again, I fall in love with smart people). She reads the most books, had all the use of computer and sociable group of friends who shares information, fun facts and other things that people don't know. And she would share it with me. Like Cheng Han says, "Do you know that sports drinks have very high carbohydrates that would be converted into energy and store as fats?" and another classic one is "Do you know that Linkin Park used a special kind of microphone called the 'screaming hook' to sing and shout into? It was written in the lyrics booklet." I have a huge crush on this guy, Tay Cheng Han (if I am not wrong) then and since then, I read every single word in a text or book or any given source. Even the year of publishing and accreditation in a book would not be unread. So many information you can fish out from there! Oh! And I remember there is this guy in my elder sister's class who calls me "Tweety Bird". Hahahah. I had a crush on him too. SO PEOPLE, TELL ME LAH! How can I outsmart my smarty-pants elder sister leh?
But my mom is pretty fair. While the technologies and knowledge are with Eileen, I have my own share of things too. Like the school's science fair. I bought my first microscope (and I kept it till now lor!) set when I was in Primary 5. I wanted to buy all 4 sets of science stuffs but my mom can only afford one. We weren't that loaded then. And one set costs like 50 bucks. Mommy wasn't very happy because it is like playing with toys. She didn't see the educational part of it. Neither did I. I am just more inclined towards science as I excel in it and loves to do experiments. So I went to school with only that 50 bucks and chose the set that has the most things inside. At that tender age, I already know how to make an expenditure worthwhile. So I stood there, thinking for 3 hours, trying to imagine which set I would buy and one of the factor is that I cannot be bored with it. I must keep using it, like how I promised mommy. There are opened sample sets so I played with them until I can memorize everything about them. Then I bought the one with microscope and insects on the slides as they are the ones that cannot be remembered. It has to be drawn out and labelled.
You can't say that my mom is biased. Books are cheaper than science try-it-yourself experimental sets. The thought of sharing my elder sister's books never crossed my mind at that time. Even now. I dare not touch her books. She have like this whole collection of books that she bought from Sans Bookshop (you can rent or buy books from them) in perfect conditions. She always tells me to read with the spine of the book unwrinkled. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW TO DO THAT. HOW CAN YOU READ THE WORDS THAT ARE TOWARDS THE MIDDLE OF THE PAGE WITHOUT OPENING THE BOOK WIDER?!?!?! All her books have their spines in perfect conditions. As good as new. My books..... Regretfully, always end up with folded pages and distorted spine. Fuck lah! She is dainty and ladylike. I am uncouth and rough. Like a barbarian. So reading her books are like so cannot be. I don't dare to touch her stuffs.
She invests in books only. I invest in science games and experimental sets, assessment books and anything that helps with self enrichment. Both of us are independent learners. My mom is Chinese educated so she cannot help us much. She only learn how to spell "porridge" by testing my elder sister for her spelling test. She learn as we learn. Along with us. My grandmother too. I shall do a full account on my next post.
My younger sister is not that bad too. Even though she is in Normal Stream, she has a high forehead too! I think smarty-pants genes sort of runs in the family. Our cousins are all smarty-pants. All except me. The black sheep of the family. The one that refuses to admit that certification is everything. The one who believes that having experience is more important than a paper (and I was proven right). I have the shortest forehead among our cousins.. And my IQ is 165. Guess what's the IQ of the rest then. Hee hee.
My forte is Mathematics and Science. My elder sister is weaker at Mathematics but very strong in her languages. She takes 3 languages in Secondary school. My younger sister have talent in arts. She draws very beautifully, unlike me, only knows kiddish drawings using crayons and color pencils. She paints life into pictures. I paint and the picture would be so ruined. Fuck man. I cannot help but kept comparing. That's my little flaw. Endless comparing and trying to reach into their standards.
Maybe I should do an autobiography post one day. Tell you guys all about my family's background. It's going to be so interesting! I'm way too tired today.
I still have a lot more to rant on but I've to attend an interview tomorrow. Thou shall stop now. Tomorrow I'll be more free and I can blog the whole day about my entire life! Okay, set then! Steady bom-pee-pee! I must force myself to sleep and not be engrossed in typing any further.
P.S: I have been in kneeling position, blogging for the past 5 hours. 5 hours to get this shit load of information! Lol.
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay