Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
This Is Me
Me. Magical. Min. Maniac. Monster. Monetary.
"Never let anything known for anyone to stab you in."
FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!
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Sunday, August 11, 2013
I finally allowed myself to release all emotions I had contained these few weeks.
I curled up in a corner of the bar and come face-to-face with the build up of emotions I have cowardly avoided and allowed all the stress, the disappointment, the sadness, the hopefulness to just flow from my tear ducts and like a relieve, my tears brought all pain away from me.
However, the more I indulged in sadness and emotions, a part of me knows that I have lost the game because I care. And I care too much.
Perhaps caring puts a lot of pressure on you which is why you chose to lie and not disappoint. But I rather know truth than to ever find out a lie.
As much as I can lie to myself, the image of someone replaying your movement and your words replayed in my head.
The hurt you never know you'll bring. The hurt I didn't see it so deep.
It's the right choice to lie, if you know that I'll be so hurt. My thoughts are always covering up for you, thinking that you are good. I am convinced that you don't want to cause hurt to me and therefore lied. I feel your care. Is this true? Or are you just trying to be someone I would never see you as - a player.
Confronting you was hard. Ignoring you is even worse. How many times did I have to clear all the messages I've typed, ready to be sent to you? How many times did I look at my mobile today to see if you've replied? How many times do I have to distract myself from disappointment and give crap beliefs that you did it for my own good?
I think you didn't reply because you don't want me to fall deeper for you. But is this true or it's just another lie? I'm always desperate for answers. I cannot learn to live without explanations. I need to see your thoughts.
But it seems like you don't care....
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you're oughta stay